Embracing My Spirited Little Maverick

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Updated: Aug. 25, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 25, 2016

My youngest son, Oliver, is a spirited little whirlwind. And by “spirited,” I mean wild—like a tornado in a toy store. According to the dictionary, “wild” means untamed and unrestrained, and believe me, Oliver embodies that definition to a tee.

Oliver’s “natural habitat” was the backdrop of my first marriage, a chaotic swirl of emotions. He was the youngest child born to two parents who were desperately trying to hold onto what was left of our family as everything else crumbled around us. Nestled between my ex-husband and me in bed, he became our little anchor, and I welcomed his presence. After all, he was my last baby—the smallest one, the final addition to a family that was falling apart. With him there, it felt like a buffer between us.

From the very beginning, Oliver was always there, demanding attention like a lion cub searching for its mother. As the weeks turned into months, I started to notice things. He seemed perpetually unsatisfied, his tiny fists clenching with impatience if I took too long to respond to his needs. His hunger was relentless, and though I wanted him to learn the art of self-soothing, I often caved. After all, life was already exhausting with other children and a failing marriage. Sometimes, it was just simpler to pick up that wild child and quiet him, even if it meant neglecting the life lessons he needed to learn.

I began to internalize the blame for his wildness. I thought it was my fault for not encouraging him to find his own ways to calm down. I held on too tightly, grieving the end of my marriage and relishing every moment with my last child. Instead of confronting the mess, we all lay there in the stillness of the night, caught in a web of confusion.

Eventually, my marriage crumbled, and as the years rolled by, Oliver’s wild spirit only grew stronger. He was sweet, kind, and full of life, but the concepts of “gentle” and “moderation” were foreign to him. I found myself repeating phrases like a broken record: “Don’t jump on the couch!” “You need to sit down while eating!” “Where are your boots?” “Why are your socks wet?” My voice grew hoarse, and my furniture bore the battle scars of a wild child.

Initially, I thought the wildness was confined to our home, but then school began, and I received notes from his teacher: “Oliver is such a sweet boy, but he struggles to stay still.” There he was, the same boy I knew, devouring a snack while rolling around like a playful otter. “Oh, Oliver,” I sighed, holding him close. “You have to stay seated in class. Use your eyes, not your hands.”

Though he would often cling to me, voicing his worries about what I did all day, I feared I might turn around one morning and find him back home, like a clever monkey escaping from a zoo. Each day he returned to school was a sigh of relief, but the cycle of worry and relief continued.

At night, Oliver always insisted on being tucked in last. After saying goodnight to his brothers, I would squeeze into his bed, which was packed with stuffed animals and treasures from his adventures. Sometimes, I would drift off to sleep beside him, feeling the warmth of his presence.

As Oliver grew, I found myself torn between wanting to tame his wildness and allowing him to revel in it. Isn’t that what mothers do? We strive to guide our children, helping them fit into the world’s expectations. Yet, I couldn’t shake the secret admiration I felt for his freedom.

His wildness opens him up to life’s vast possibilities. He loves fiercely, bouncing back from every tumble, completely unfazed by the norms that might confine him. He’s still small, and there’s time left to navigate the balance between freedom and restraint. I know I have the opportunity to let him roam in his wildness a little longer before it fades away completely.

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Summary:

In this heartfelt reflection, Samantha Hart shares her experiences raising her spirited son, Oliver. She recounts the challenges of parenting a wild child amidst the chaos of her personal life and explores the balance between nurturing freedom and enforcing boundaries. Ultimately, she embraces Oliver’s untamed spirit while acknowledging the importance of guiding him as he grows.