I never imagined the overwhelming emotions that motherhood would bring. From the moment the test revealed that joyful plus sign, I was hit with a wave of feelings: excitement, exhaustion, anxiety, fear, relief, and joy— all of which came before I even held my baby. Then there was the love—oh, the love! It’s the kind that surprises you, fills you up, and gives you the strength to endure yet another sleepless night, another tantrum, and yet another endless dinner hour. That love is always present, and thank goodness for that.
But there’s another significant emotion that often goes unspoken: fatigue. Until recently, I hadn’t truly grasped the depths of exhaustion that come with parenting. When I finally acknowledged it, I was blindsided because I adore being a mom. I would traverse the ends of the earth for my kids. They are the realization of my every dream, and I’m grateful for them every single day.
However, as the chaos of welcoming my second child began to settle, I sensed something was off. A dark cloud loomed, draining my joy and hindering my ability to be the mom I wanted to be. This wasn’t just physical fatigue—although that was certainly a factor—it was a deeper, more daunting weariness.
It was the accumulation of all the small sacrifices we make for our little ones. The ones we gladly give up without a second thought, like a dinner grown cold while we navigate bedtime, or the conversations interrupted as we chase after a toddler. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had a date night or savored the last cookie.
It was also the daily grind of parenting interactions: yet another discussion about why shoes are necessary, or the impossibility of chocolate for breakfast. The endless little decisions we make every day, and the questions we’re expected to answer on cue (“Can I watch the iPad?” “Can I have a cookie?” “Where are my shoes?” “What’s for supper?”).
It encompassed the physical and emotional labor of parenting around the clock—the lifting, the negotiating, the comforting, the scolding, the cooking, the diaper changes, laundry, planning, and the unending weight of the immense responsibility. Who decided I was in charge of these tiny humans? Sometimes I just want to shout at the treadmill, “Stop! Let me off for a moment! Just so I can breathe!”
These feelings are undeniably heavy. And when they threaten to overwhelm, we find it hard to do our job. It’s time to name it: parenting fatigue.
Along with this cocktail of emotions comes the spicy flavor of guilt. (What mom doesn’t feel guilty daily?) Who am I to be tired amidst all this wonderfulness? My children are healthy, I am healthy, and others are achieving so much more with far less. I prayed for my kids, and my prayers were answered while many others are still waiting. My little ones need me now, and soon they won’t depend on me the same way. My cup overflows; I should cherish each moment, etc.
All this is true—heartbreakingly so—but replaying it in my mind only amplifies the fatigue.
Here’s what I’ve learned: sometimes, we need to give ourselves the green light to hit the reset button. Nobody will label me a bad mom for taking a break. As much as I cherish my role (and feel fortunate to call it my day job), variety is essential for a more joyful and fulfilling life.
So, when the fog of exhaustion threatened to engulf me, I sat down and created a list of things I wanted to do for myself. Then I promptly tore it up because the thought of that much self-indulgence was overwhelming. Instead, I focused on one thing—starting this blog—which has turned out to be a lifesaver. Others might choose to train for a marathon, dive into pottery lessons, learn a new language, or even take up painting.
Finding that one thing helped me rediscover the reset button and reclaim a small piece of myself. I began to carve out a little solitude every few days to do something for me. I asked for help, and it was liberating.
Of course, there are still tough days. I often find myself counting down to wine o’clock while rocking in a corner. But once I acknowledged how deeply fatigued I was from identifying solely as a mom, that paralyzing exhaustion began to lift. When I released the guilt I had been carrying for feeling this way, my energy started to return. Finding something just for me reignited my enthusiasm for the beautiful job of motherhood. I can once again be the mother I take pride in—and that pride is a significant feeling too.
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Summary
Parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster filled with both love and fatigue. It’s important to recognize and address parenting fatigue without guilt, allowing yourself the space to recharge. Finding a small passion or activity can help restore balance and enthusiasm for the joys of motherhood.