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When Motherhood Feels Like a Struggle
There he is, snoozing peacefully in my arms, his adorably bald head nestled against my chest. He’s blissfully milk-drunk, letting out deep sighs as he dreams. Soft music plays in the background while his two older sisters twirl and giggle across the living room. From the outside, anyone peering through our window might think we’re living in a perfect, heartwarming family movie.
But behind that picture-perfect scene lies a different reality. This week, I’ve found myself yelling at all three kids. I’ve screamed, cried, prayed fervently, and cursed silently to anyone who would listen. Maybe it’s the lingering effects of a recent illness, or perhaps it’s the impending full moon, but chaos has reigned supreme in our home for days.
My five-year-old has embraced her inner imp, snatching toys from her sister for fun, bolting from the room as soon as I ask her to help, and generally being a little ball of mischief. Meanwhile, my sweet two-year-old has morphed into a wailing whirlwind, flinging applesauce across the room during meals because she can’t bear the thought of me stepping away to use the restroom. And the baby? That once-great sleeper is now a nighttime comedian, waking up screaming and refusing to nap for more than 30 minutes during the day.
And me? I’ve lost my marbles over it all. I’ve even told the baby, “You’re just going to have to cry because I’m not picking you up this time,” when I didn’t truly mean it. I’ve wished away the years ahead, longing for the days of hugs and sweet toddler affirmations just so I could escape this madness.
I’ve thrown more than one adult tantrum. The rage I’ve felt has frightened me; I could have hurt my kids, and thankfully, I stopped myself before reaching that point. But in those dark moments, I realized how easily things can go wrong. “This is how it happens,” I told my husband, “This is how parents snap.” And I hated myself for understanding that feeling.
I often wonder if I’ve taken on more than I can handle—what about the fourth baby I dream of? Even at my lowest, I still find myself thinking about wanting more. How do other moms manage this chaos? Am I alone in feeling like I’m flailing in this turbulent sea of parenthood?
Some days, I genuinely dread this mothering gig. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. After all, my journey to motherhood was a battle, and we fought long and hard to have our trio. I should be grateful, savoring each moment, and I do—when things are good. There are days filled with laughter, fun trips to the zoo, and cozy bedtime stories. I capture these memories with countless photos because I want to remember the joy.
But those golden moments don’t erase the tough times. The kids can scream in unison, refuse to share, or suddenly decide they dislike dinner. The baby needs constant attention, and I continually trip over a sea of toys, vowing to toss every last one into the trash. It’s overwhelming, and at times, I feel like I’m drowning in it all.
Survival isn’t thriving, and the weight of that realization crushes me. I often tell myself I’m a failure, but there’s a quieter voice beneath the negativity—a voice that whispers, “Tomorrow is a new day. You can try again.” And I will. I’ll always strive to do better.
If you’re navigating similar waters, you may find solace in exploring resources on home insemination and parenting. Check out this blog post for more insights or visit Make A Mom for expert advice. For those considering pregnancy, the CDC offers valuable guidance.
Summary:
Motherhood can feel overwhelming, especially when chaos reigns and every day seems like a struggle. While moments of joy exist, the challenges can be daunting. It’s important to recognize that you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. Finding support and resources can help navigate the tumultuous waters of parenting.