They Truly Are Only Little Once

home insemination Kit

By: Jamie Harper
Updated: Sep. 1, 2023
Originally Published: Sep. 1, 2016

“They’ve grown so much!” My partner, Tom, looked genuinely shocked, as if our kids had sprouted overnight. His eyes searched mine for some kind of explanation.

“I can’t even pinpoint when it happened,” he said.

But I could. Like many significant changes in life, this one had been happening gradually over the years, even if we were both reluctant to acknowledge it. I had sensed it coming sooner. Frankly, the early days hadn’t exactly been my cup of tea. Now, during those quiet moments when we tackled chores like laundry—just like we were doing then—we found ourselves reminiscing about our little ones. What I had observed building over time, he seemed to be realizing just in that moment.

“I used to hold them in one hand, those tiny little things,” he sighed. “Is it possible they’re really gone forever?”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Well, I miss them, that’s all.” He looked wounded, as if my indifference had bruised him.

“I’m sorry, but when they were that small, they were downright annoying.”

It was true! At this point, could we not be honest about it? For some parents, it appeared effortless and natural. For me, it was a daily battle. Each night, with little ones driving me up the wall? I could admit that now.

“How can you say that?! They were adorable!”

“Maybe to you, but they were literally crawling all over me 24/7!”

“I know you feel differently, but I miss those days,” he said wistfully, looking away.

“I’m sure you do, but they would always wake me up in the middle of the night. Ugh.” I rolled my eyes.

“They woke me up too.” He managed a smile.

“Stop right there! Do we really need them around to be happy? Was that what kept us together?” I asked.

“Of course not, but they added a lot of spice to our lives back then.”

“Maybe for you… I can hardly remember when they were that tiny. It’s all a blur.”

“I can remember everything.”

“Well, do you also remember how expensive they were?”

“Like they aren’t now?!” He sputtered, and we locked eyes in silence. He wanted to convince me, and I was starting to waver.

“We could totally start over,” he said, a mischievous grin on his face. “How about a whole new crew?”

I shook my head. “No way! Have you seen these stretch marks?” I sighed. “Those days are long gone. And honestly, I never even wanted the last batch! It was a moment of weakness—something to please you. When I look at them, I just feel regret!”

“Take that back!”

“I wish I could take them back!”

He sat there, stone-faced, confused, and deflated. Was he shocked by my brutal honesty?

I patted his shoulder, trying to soften my tone. “We can’t live in the past. We can only cherish the good memories.”

“Well, I do have pictures,” he sniffed.

“Oh, Lord—are you crying again?”

“No, but sometimes, when I look at them now, I feel like crying.”

I took his hands in mine, hoping to make him see my perspective. “Sure, it’s a huge adjustment for both of us, but I’m happier now, don’t you get it?”

“Gigantic,” he repeated, still staring at the laundry instead of me. Talking to him felt like hitting a brick wall.

“Anyway, I’m well past 40,” I reminded him.

“So what?! I’ve seen women much older—”

I cut him off. “As a man, you may never understand how I feel right now—I’m done! And by the way, you weren’t the one caring for little ones all those years. Things have changed, and it’s not such a strain on me anymore. It’s different, but it’s better. Now they hug me instead of just clinging to me day and night. I’m comfortable with how things are now. You may not be, but I’m not sorry that I can finally breathe again. I feel… free!” I cried.

He tried to smile, but I could see he just didn’t get it. I pressed on. “You’ve always had that freedom. I don’t need your judgment; I need compassion and support, whatever that looks like.”

He looked at me with a sense of resignation. Reaching into the laundry basket, he held up my enormous, beige granny panties with both hands, wiping away a tear with them as he sighed. “I guess it’s true what they say. They really are only little once.”