Dear Men: Rape Culture and Victim Blaming Are Real, and Your Support is Crucial

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Hey there, gentlemen!

Let me clarify right off the bat: this isn’t about throwing shade on all men or ignoring the good deeds of the many. I have fantastic male friends, a wise mentor, a caring brother, and a wonderful husband who have all been there for me in tough times. I owe my safety to a man who intervened during an attempted abduction, and I appreciate the countless good men out there.

But here’s the thing: we need your help.

Every time you flip on the news, it seems like there’s another horrific story about violence against women. Whether it’s a jogger enjoying a sunny day, a girl heading to a friend’s house, or a woman settling in for the night at home, it feels like there’s no safe space.

I recently read comments on an article about these victims, and they were eerily similar—well-meaning people suggesting that if women just carried weapons everywhere, we could avoid these situations. Really? That puts the onus squarely on us, and it’s disheartening.

Every day, I step out into the world with a sense of unease. I face unwelcome stares, unsolicited honks, and comments from men across all walks of life. I have strolled through parking lots with my kids, only to have older men undress me with their eyes. If you think that’s an exaggeration, I invite you to consider this: if you’ve never experienced it, you won’t fully grasp how it feels. Trust me, every woman I know has faced similar situations.

I’ve encountered harassment, unwanted advances, and even a near-abduction. My experiences started at age 10 and continued through my twenties.

As I lie awake at night, I find myself checking locks, ensuring windows are secure, and listening for strange noises. Women everywhere are doing the same—taking self-defense classes, discussing safety measures, and weighing the necessity of a firearm for protection.

It’s disheartening to see lists highlighting the “most dangerous places for women” while I’ve never seen a similar list for men. The issue isn’t about lacking knowledge on how to stay safe; it’s about the fact that we shouldn’t have to live in fear.

Men, you might think we’re overreacting or that these incidents don’t happen as frequently as they actually do. I urge you to reach out to the women in your life—your mothers, sisters, and friends—and let them share their stories. It may shock you, but it will also open your eyes to the reality we face.

Once you’ve listened, take action. Talk to your fathers, brothers, colleagues, and friends. Share what you’ve learned and encourage them to listen with empathy. Always stand by us in the fight to change the culture of rape and victim-blaming. Women deserve to live free from the constant fear of violence.

This isn’t about how to protect us; it’s about the fact that we need to be protected in the first place.

For more information on related topics, check out this insightful post on home insemination. If you want to dive deeper into the subject, Make a Mom has a fantastic resource on at-home insemination kits too. And for those navigating the journey of pregnancy, Mount Sinai’s Infertility Resources is an excellent place to start.

In summary, we must address the pervasive issue of rape culture and victim-blaming. It’s crucial for men to engage in conversations, listen to women’s experiences, and actively participate in creating a safer world for everyone.