It took me a solid two years to get the hang of small talk at the playground. There’s an unwritten code to it, a certain skill that develops over time. First, you have to accept that your child is going to form friendships (or perhaps terrorize) other kids, which means you’ll inevitably interact with their parents—and ignoring them feels just plain odd. Gradually, you compile a mental list of go-to conversation starters. You might say, “How old is your little one?” or “Isn’t this weather delightful?” or “My son has been growling like a dinosaur lately, thanks to this wild Netflix show.”
Some parents engage enthusiastically, while others respond with nothing more than a nod or a polite smile before backing away. You learn to embrace the discomfort. There are days when the last thing you want is to chat—believe me, I get it. Sometimes, I even skip the playground altogether for a bit of social solitude. It may sound selfish, but hey, if my kids are determined to drag me into awkward exchanges with folks who don’t quite get my humor, at least I can control when it happens.
Sure, there will be moments when you’re the overly chatty parent trying too hard. But every so often, you’ll connect with someone and feel that exhilarating spark, thinking, “Yes! A fellow mom who gets it!” Then what? Let’s face it: making friends after kids is no easy feat—almost impossible, really. You lack the time and energy to meet potential friends, your parent friends often have schedules that clash with yours, and your childless friends forget that you need more than a last-minute invite to hang out. It’s a tricky paradox that leaves you feeling isolated and a bit odd.
Parenting has taught me how to cope with endless moments of embarrassment. Use that to your advantage! Why shy away from approaching a stranger for friendship after you’ve survived public diaper blowouts, grocery store tantrums, and the chaos of biting toddlers (yours or others)?
So where do you find genuine mothers who resonate with you? Well, it all circles back to your kids. School events, daycare meet-ups, mom groups—these are your new social arenas. And for those with little ones not yet in school, the playground is always an option. You reach a point in motherhood where you truly recognize the value of deep, meaningful friendships with other women. If you have these connections, they may not be as close as you’d like, and if you lack them, it can create a noticeable void.
When you encounter an incredible mom who could be a potential friend, you might find yourself doing some rather ridiculous things. You may follow her around the playground a bit too closely or dive headfirst into deep subjects—like wondering if you should go for that third child or if your son might grow up to be a serial killer. Did I just say that out loud?
Other times, the conversation flows effortlessly, and you feel like a human being again, capable of having profound discussions without resorting to a sing-song voice. You remember that building friendships requires effort and bravery, and you remind yourself that if you can endure childbirth, you can absolutely risk a little vulnerability with a fellow mom. You make your move—let’s not say “chase her down” because that sounds a bit intense—and in a moment that feels reminiscent of awkward junior high crushes, you ask to connect on social media.
From there, the ball is in your court. You might message her for a playdate, suggest a barbecue, or risk it all and reach out too soon, causing her to hesitate and eventually unfriend you. Regardless, you’re one step closer to forming your tribe, your crew, your mom squad—your “bosom friends,” as Anne Shirley might say. And that, my friend, is worth all the discomfort in the world.
For more insights on navigating motherhood and forming connections, check out this post for additional tips. Also, if you’re on a fertility journey, Make A Mom is an excellent resource to guide you. And for those considering fertility treatments, March of Dimes has some great information available.
In summary, finding your community as a mom can feel daunting, but by embracing your awkwardness and seeking out genuine connections, you can build a support system that makes the journey more enjoyable.