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Parenting
Why You Shouldn’t Judge the Mother of a Mean Girl
by Lila Harper
Updated: March 24, 2021
Originally Published: Sep. 7, 2016
Let’s be real: judging the mom of a mean girl isn’t fair. Or maybe I’m just saying, don’t judge me!
I used to think that kids were just like their parents, but sometimes a random fruit rolls off the tree and leaves you scratching your head. That’s how I felt when I discovered that I had my very own little mean girl in the house. I’m all about kindness, from recycling to saving spiders (even if I’m not exactly a morning person). I can’t recall ever being outright nasty, so where did this little diva come from?
Sure, kids pick up behaviors from us; they’re always watching, even when we think they’re not. But what if some of it is just in their nature? My daughter is still young, so I have time to help her grow into a kinder person, but it has shifted my perspective on all those little girls I used to judge as “just like their mothers.” If you’ve ever encountered a pint-sized bully, here are a few things to consider:
It’s Not Always About the Mom
I used to picture mean girls’ moms as glamorous figures, perfectly put together, sipping lattes while ignoring their daughters’ behavior. But as a mother myself, I’ve realized two things: my imagination can be a bit over the top, and judging a “mean girl mom” by her style is a mistake. Most moms are much more down-to-earth than I imagined. While confronting conflict isn’t my favorite, it’s often unavoidable when you have kids. Many conversations I’ve had with other moms have been surprisingly low-key, despite my initial assumptions. You don’t have to become best friends, but getting familiar with the moms of your kids’ friends can help ease any future discussions.
The Mom Might Not Even Be Aware
In our busy lives, it’s tough for moms to catch every little thing our kids do. Teachers usually reach out only when there’s a major issue. As kids grow, they spend more time away from our direct supervision, and sometimes their personalities shift dramatically outside our homes. Plus, many parents adopt a “not my problem” attitude. I admit, I’m guilty of this too! That’s why community support is so vital. If you notice mean behavior, speak up! Inform the mom; she may genuinely have no idea what her daughter is up to. Many parents, like myself, would be shocked to learn their child is being unkind.
There Could Be Underlying Issues
I often tell my kids, “Happy people don’t hurt people,” and encourage them to look beyond someone’s actions to find compassion. Most of the time, they roll their eyes and ask for tips on revenge. While they might not fully grasp this concept now, it’s something all parents should understand. If a child is being hurtful, it could be a sign that someone in their life is treating them poorly—whether it’s a neighborhood kid, a sibling, or even an adult. Remember, hurt often leads to hurt. Speaking up not only gives parents a chance to address the behavior but also allows them to investigate the root cause. Kids aren’t always great advocates for themselves, but adults can lend a hand.
Bottom Line: Communicate with the Mom
Engaging with the mom could reveal that she’s navigating the same challenges as you, trying her best to raise her child. You might provide her with the insight needed to address her daughter’s behavior. Confrontation doesn’t have to lead to conflict; I remind myself of this often. While I dread having to hear about my child’s missteps, I want to know. Many moms feel the same way.
So, let’s save the judgment and support one another instead. For more insights, check out our post on home insemination at Home Insemination Kit.
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Summary
It’s essential to remember that judging the mothers of mean girls can be misleading. Recognizing that behavior can stem from various sources—both learned and innate—helps foster understanding and communication. Engaging with other parents can lead to constructive conversations that benefit everyone involved.
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