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Tame the Inner Critic and Embrace Yourself Wholeheartedly
I know which child dozes off on their back and which one stirs awake craving a snack. I can tell which one craves a cozy cuddle and which one prefers a bit of distance. I recognize their footsteps echoing down the hall, full of giggles and little antics. I know who loves to color outside the lines and who gets lost in their own imaginative realms. I cherish the sweet nothings they whisper to me while we sit on the porch, watching raindrops dance.
I find myself on the floor alongside them, celebrating their wild creations and the thrill of their tallest tower yet. I break into goofy dances in the middle of the afternoon when we all just need to be a little silly. I shower them with kisses, cuddle them tightly, and remind them, “Sweet pea, do you know how incredibly brave you are?”
I’m a decent mom.
But then, something falls, a drink spills, or plans go awry. They wrestle too roughly, take ages to listen, or say things I’ve asked them not to. They pinch, shove, or make poor choices. They’re just being kids, really.
And then I snap.
In an instant, I transform into the mom I promised I wouldn’t be, raising my voice when I should be gentle. My little ones freeze in their tracks, their eyes wide as I lose my cool. Suddenly, I’m not holding it together; I’m a collection of frayed edges, a weary, overwhelmed mom who takes her frustrations out on her kids.
I convince myself that I’m failing as a parent. The worst kind.
I worry I’ll mess them up for life. How will they reconcile the fun-loving, ice-cream-for-dinner mom with the frustrated one yelling about shoes?
The intensity of my emotions surprises me. It makes me doubt my ability to raise them with love and confidence, to launch them into the world capable of standing tall.
Sometimes, I see myself through a lens of failure. Simple as that: I feel like I’m failing at parenting.
I can’t be alone in this; I can’t be the only mom who feels like she’s giving it her all but it’s still not enough.
We compare ourselves to other moms, keeping mental scorecards of where we fall short: the laundry that’s never folded, the unfinished projects, the messy kitchen. We snap at our kids, forget to return calls, and struggle to savor every moment. We don’t wake up early, don’t do yoga, and don’t whip up gourmet meals from scratch. We’re exhausted, running late, and barely keeping our heads above water.
We seem together until we don’t.
We’re patient until we’re not.
We can see grace until we can’t.
But it’s here that we must linger.
It’s not that grace disappears; it’s that I become blind to it.
I forget to seek the light when the darkness feels all-consuming.
We perceive ourselves as failures because we’re measuring against impossible standards. We conjure up images of the perfect mom: impeccably fit, whipping up organic meals, maintaining a pristine home, and leading community efforts—all while volunteering at church. We create unrealistic expectations that we can never meet and label ourselves as failures when we inevitably fall short.
These imaginary benchmarks cloud our vision and obscure the grace lighting our path. When we learn to reject these unattainable standards, we begin to fill the night sky with stars that cut through the darkness, allowing us to appreciate the beauty around us.
Mama, if you feel like you’re failing—take heart.
You aren’t.
You’re doing a fantastic job.
Your kids don’t need a mom who’s stressed about perfection or constantly comparing herself to the neighbor. They need a mom who loves fiercely, lives fully, and embraces life with open arms.
We don’t need to worry about keeping it all together or adhering to unattainable ideals. All we need to do is fill our small moments with immense love.
This love can wash away the weight of feeling insufficient. Love thrives in the ordinary moments: waking up to a new day, splashing in the pool with little ones, and preparing countless meals. Small moments of love remind us that every part of our lives, even the mundane, is infused with grace.
Love is more expansive, deeper, wilder than we ever imagined. It’s the strength we muster when carrying our babies, and the tenderness we show when we kiss away their tears. Love is exhausting yet courageous, a gentle reminder that it’s what truly matters.
So, mamas, you’re not failing; you’re loving your little ones fiercely. Silence the voices of doubt, the nagging thoughts that you should be doing more. Love yourself fiercely, too.
Keep pushing forward, doing the next small thing with enormous love, and take a moment to admire the beautiful life you’ve created.
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In summary, embrace the love you give and receive in the small moments, and remember to silence the inner critic. You’re doing better than you think!