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Talking to Kids About Mental Health and Suicide
I was 14 when I first seriously considered ending my life. It wasn’t my initial attempt, but it was the first time I truly understood the gravity of my actions. My first brush with this dark thought came at the tender age of 8. Back then, my chronic insomnia was a puzzle my mom couldn’t solve. After countless failed attempts with warm milk, soothing music, and relaxing baths, she resorted to tucking me in on the couch, away from my peacefully sleeping sister. She handed me a book and a shot of peach schnapps, saying, “Sip slowly,” before retreating to her room.
I didn’t realize I was grappling with depression, and how could anyone else? I came home from school in tears often but otherwise appeared to be a pretty cheerful kid. I just couldn’t sleep. On that fateful night of my first attempt, I felt utterly exhausted and miserable, spiraling into darkness. It dawned on me that sleep might be akin to death, so I crept into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife I could find. I stood there contemplating my choices, but ultimately, my fear of pain won out. I put the knife back and returned to my bed, waiting for dawn to break.
Now, as a parent myself, my children are approaching the age when my depression began. The thought of not knowing what’s going on in their minds terrifies me. Back then, I only began to grasp my feelings when I was 12 or 13, and by then, the signs I was showing were so woven into my personality that they were nearly impossible to recognize. Was I just shy, or was I truly withdrawn? Was my boredom a sign of something deeper? I don’t fault my parents for not recognizing these signals; one of the cruelest aspects of depression is how it tricks you into hiding your pain.
Understanding the Reality
So how can we find out what’s happening? The stark reality is that children as young as 8 can take their own lives. Shockingly, suicide is the second leading cause of death for kids aged 10 to 18. It’s horrifyingly common, yet often there are no clear indicators.
When I think about how I can help my kids navigate these turbulent waters, I reflect on what I wished my parents had shared with me. I wish they had opened up discussions about mental health when I was younger, even before I could fully comprehend it. I wish they had reassured me that it’s perfectly fine to experience mental health struggles and that it’s not anyone’s fault when our brains don’t function as they should.
By the time I saw a therapist, it felt like we had enacted a strange unspoken agreement not to delve into the reasons for my visits. I even found myself lying to my therapist, a habit my depression encouraged. I wish my parents had shared their own experiences with therapy or given me books about kids who went through similar journeys long before I needed them myself. I needed to hear that having troubling thoughts didn’t make me a monster and that discussing them was a crucial step toward healing.
Having Vital Conversations
As my children near the age when I first faced my struggles, I’m committed to having these vital conversations, even though it’s challenging. It’s tough to admit that I’m battling an invisible illness, yet I do it because the thought of losing one of my children is far more difficult to bear. Regardless of your mental health history, it’s crucial to talk to your kids. Help them understand that feelings of hopelessness, boredom, and irrational anger are normal but that they shouldn’t hesitate to seek help if these feelings persist. Let them know there’s nothing shameful about having a mental health condition.
Depression is a leading cause of disability worldwide, and it’s essential to emphasize the importance of seeking help. Familiarize yourself with the signs of depression and suicide, and engage your children in these discussions proactively. Most importantly, listen. You could be the voice that helps #StopSuicide.
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Summary
Talking openly with children about mental health and suicide is essential. As a parent, sharing personal experiences and encouraging discussions can help normalize these topics and make children feel safe in seeking help. It’s crucial to recognize the signs of depression and to reinforce that it’s okay to ask for assistance.