Marriage is notoriously tough, especially when kids come into play. Recently, there’s been a growing belief that people today aren’t built for the grind of marriage and throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble. I couldn’t disagree more.
I completely understand that marriage requires effort—I’m right there with you. But the notion that those who go through a divorce lack the perseverance and grit of happily wed couples? That’s where I draw the line.
Do we really believe that hard work guarantees success? Just take a look at the Williams sisters during the Rio Olympics—hours of grueling training, yet they both faced early exits. The issue wasn’t a lack of effort.
When a marriage starts to stumble, it often reflects deeper problems at play. If you’re not the root cause, finding a solution becomes a monumental task. In my own experience, when my marriage began to unravel, it was for many reasons far beyond my control. I thought I could fix things by simply working harder. I devised plans and put in the hours. Some may ask, “Did you really try?” Sure, I wasn’t perfect, but a few more attempts wouldn’t have changed the fact that I was on the wrong team from the get-go. I fought fiercely for us; he didn’t. But that doesn’t equate to failure. How can I fail when the fight was never truly mine?
The true breakdown of my marriage didn’t happen when I filed those papers; it was in the relentless effort I put forth to prevent that from happening. I kept pushing, even when all signs pointed to the futility of it. We often get so caught up in societal views of failure that we forget to reflect on how that fight affects us.
Looking back, I realize I tried much longer than was healthy, and I’m still feeling the effects today. The day I left with my sleeping baby was not a day of weakness; it was the day I finally found my strength. Like many single moms who have endured heartbreaking relationship breakdowns while navigating the challenges of parenting, I’ve displayed incredible resilience every single day—whether the sun is shining or it’s pouring rain.
Ironically, my failure stemmed from my unwillingness to give up. Many before me and countless more who will follow often labor so intensely in their marriages that they risk losing themselves in the process. Once the marriage is over, we sometimes discover that we’ve sacrificed parts of our identity along the way.
Divorce isn’t a quick escape. When I hear someone suggest that my divorce indicates I didn’t put in enough effort, I can’t help but chuckle. I think of the numerous women I’ve met throughout my divorce journey and their stories of trying far too long. No matter how our marriages ended—contentiously or amicably—we all shared the same determination. We fought for our families and ourselves.
It doesn’t matter if your marriage ended on a sour note or if you parted as friends; there’s no ranking of valid reasons for divorce. We don’t just walk away without looking back.
I’m a divorcee, not a failure. If you find yourself in the same boat, know there are others who understand your struggles. We’ve been through the tears, the couple’s therapy sessions, the ultimatums, and the desperate moments of frustration. You weren’t slacking off in this marriage; you gave it everything you had.
Choosing divorce isn’t choosing failure. It’s about hitting rock bottom and, when you’re at your most vulnerable, finding the strength to forge a new path. It’s a journey that’s often lonelier and tougher than you could have ever imagined while reciting those vows, but it’s yours to navigate now.
Divorce puts you back in the driver’s seat, and this new road you’re on holds the potential for happiness, so long as you’re willing to recognize it. If you’re interested in learning more about the journey of home insemination, check out this insightful resource on Genetics and IVF Institute or explore this at-home insemination kit, which can help you on your path to parenthood. For additional information, visit Home Insemination Kit.
In summary, divorce is not a sign of defeat, but rather a step toward a new beginning. It’s about reclaiming your strength and moving forward on your own terms.