Blogger Jenna Collins hits the nail on the head about postpartum life in a viral Facebook post that you wish you had seen before heading to the delivery room. Forget the sugar-coated tales from your well-meaning friends or the dry, medical breakdowns from pregnancy manuals. This is the unfiltered truth, folks.
In her recent post, Jenna shared a snapshot of her newborn alongside a candid list titled “20 Things To Know After You’ve Just Pushed Out A Baby.” Let’s just say, she doesn’t hold back. Veteran moms are nodding in agreement, while soon-to-be moms may want to brace themselves for the real deal.
Your First Trip to the Bathroom
First up, let’s talk about your first trip to the bathroom. Jenna offers a tip that’s equal parts hilarious and practical: “Bring a jug with you and pour it over your bits like you’ve stumbled into a bizarre adult film. It helps.” Can we get a round of applause for the peri-bottle? That little lifesaver is basically the MVP of postpartum essentials. Praise be to the peri-bottle!
Your First Poo
As for the other end of the spectrum, she warns, “Your first poo. Don’t freak out. You aren’t having another baby. It just feels that way.” Anyone else shuddering at the memory of that first bowel movement? Solidarity fist-bumps to you, mama.
Newborns Can Look Strange
Jenna also mentions what everyone else tiptoes around: newborns can look a bit strange when they first arrive. “Your baby looks weird. Like… really weird,” she quips. “You’ll hear everyone cooing about how cute your baby is, but let’s be real: it looks like a tiny, hairless, slightly purple grandpa with dried blood on its face.” Truth bomb right there.
The First Shower
The first shower? Expect it to resemble a scene from a horror flick. And don’t get her started on hospital food—it’s the culinary equivalent of a sad soggy sandwich. Oh, and your belly will look like a deflated balloon.
Everything’s Angry
Perhaps the most accurate assessment of those chaotic first hours post-delivery comes from her candid remark: “Everything’s angry. Your brain is angry, your eyes are angry, your tummy, your bladder, your bum. Your vagina isn’t just angry. It’s f*cking livid.” Preach, sister!
On that note, I’m off to grab some birth control, because wow.
Further Reading
For more on this topic, check out this informative blog post that dives deeper into fertility and home insemination. If you’re looking for reliable resources on pregnancy and conception, this site is an excellent go-to. And don’t forget to explore Make a Mom’s Impregnator for all your home insemination needs!
In summary, Jenna Collins lays bare the often-unspoken truths of postpartum life, blending humor with honesty to prepare new moms for the whirlwind that follows childbirth.