This summer, both my parents and my in-laws hit the big 5-1 in their marriage anniversaries. It’s a wild coincidence, but it’s also a testament to enduring love. Just think about it—over a century of shared hugs, eye-rolls, high-fives, and the occasional silent treatment. I’ve only been married for 15 years, mostly thriving on sarcasm, playful jabs, and, of course, love. So, while I’m no expert, I’ve picked up a few nuggets of wisdom from those long-lasting unions that might just help anyone looking to spend a lifetime with one person. Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Growth is inevitable. You’ll ebb and flow together and apart, and hopefully, you’ll find yourselves on the same page intermittently in this crazy story of life.
- Miscommunication will consume years of your life. You’ll be right sometimes, wrong other times, but mostly just confused about what the heck you’re actually arguing about.
- Compromise becomes second nature. If I had a buck for every time I saw my parents navigate a disagreement, I’d be richer than a celebrity.
- Life is tough for everyone. Everyone faces challenges, but being the steady rock for your partner during the storm will strengthen your bond.
- If money was never a topic of discussion, divorce rates would probably plummet. Seems like a no-brainer, right?
- Hearing aids are a game changer. I’ve noticed that hearing loss is a significant source of conflict among older couples.
- Perfection is a myth. No one’s flawless, and no relationship is without its quirks. Don’t be surprised when bathroom tissue becomes an argument starter.
- Laughter is essential. Be ready to giggle at yourself, your partner, your kids, and the absurdity of life.
- Sometimes, you’ll feel the urge to flip them off when they turn their back. Just ensure they’re not in front of a window when you do.
- Friendships will come and go. So, it’s crucial to build a solid friendship with your spouse if you want to weather the storms together.
- Cultivate personal interests. If you’re spending 60 years with someone, trust me, you’ll want some “me-time” too.
- Shared interests are also valuable. My in-laws share a nightly game of cribbage, which keeps them connected.
- Even if it feels like torture, try to listen to your partner. Sometimes their stories can feel like watching paint dry, but it’s worth it.
- Keep those compliments flowing. A simple “Thanks for dinner, it was fantastic” can work wonders in a relationship.
- Physical affection matters. Whether it’s a gentle kiss or a playful tap, those little touches create warmth.
- You’ll love and hate your partner more than anyone else. And sometimes, those feelings will hit you simultaneously.
- Teamwork is crucial. Always strive to be on the same side, whether it’s regarding family matters or parenting.
- Share your stories. Reflecting on your shared history can strengthen your connection and remind you of your journey together.
- You’ll both make silly mistakes. Forgiveness is key, as someday you might need it too.
- Communicate. Your children will eventually fly the coop, so don’t forget to nurture your bond amidst the chaos of parenting.
If I’ve gleaned anything from observing lasting marriages, it’s that loving your partner means accepting them as a beautifully flawed human being—just the right one for you. After all, marriage encapsulates a life filled with kids, jobs, holidays, moves, and all the ups and downs that come with it. If, after all the craziness, you can still look at your partner and genuinely say, “I’m glad it’s you,” then you’ve got a winner.
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Summary
This article discusses valuable lessons learned from 51-year marriages, emphasizing growth, communication, compromise, and maintaining friendship in a relationship. The author shares personal insights from their own marriage and observations of their parents’ and in-laws’ long-lasting unions.