Absurd Ad Promises to Completely Erase Your Body So Society Can Finally Shut Up

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Getting dressed in the morning could be a breeze if we women just learned to meet the impossible expectations set by society before stepping outside our doors. Thanks to some dubious “science,” there’s now a solution that claims to help us out: introducing the Clear-She! This innovative garment promises to completely conceal our bodies, as adhering to society’s conflicting standards is practically impossible.

“Struggling to figure out if society wants you to be a saint or a seductress?” asks the star of our latest “informercial,” Mia Brooks. “Now you don’t need to pick a side. With the Clear-She, your very existence can become invisible!” What a relief! Mia points out, “Common solutions, like people simply minding their own business or allowing women to live freely, can take ages to master. But with the Clear-She, results are immediate.”

According to our “scientists,” the Clear-She is crafted from a futuristic fabric that intertwines society’s contradictory demands of allure and modesty. “When you merge these two impossible ideals, you create a visual vacuum we call ‘A Woman’s Veil,’™ effectively eliminating the need for a woman’s visible presence,” Mia explains. This faux product promises instant transformation by literally making us disappear.

Mia shares some hilarious scenarios where the Clear-She would come in handy. Picture a corporate employee, Jessica, constantly donning scandalously snug tops and tailored skirts. And, of course, we’re all aware that unwanted attention and harassment can be avoided if women just dress appropriately—just ask the police!

We also see examples of women struggling to meet the vague and contradictory dressing standards we’ve constructed. Take young Emily, who was forced to wear a teacher’s oversized blazer after daring to wear a form-fitting prom dress. And let’s not forget Sarah, who was ridiculed for simply opting out of a dress altogether. Obviously, pants are exclusively for men!

If you’re a woman, you’re all too familiar with the unrealistic expectations placed upon us. Nothing we wear is ever “right.” Our daughters are not immune to the relentless body shaming that our gender endures. They need to understand that their clothing choices can distract their male teachers, and it’s absolutely their fault. With so much to keep in mind, it was only a matter of time before the Clear-She was invented. And the best part? It’s a steal at just $400! Plus, it comes with a complimentary mini Clear-She to cover our heads—perfect for those days when we dare to show our makeup-free faces.

For even more information on this topic, check out our post on intracervical insemination here, where we delve into the challenges of home insemination. And if you’re looking to boost fertility, Make a Mom offers great insights into this area. For a deeper understanding of infertility, the CDC provides excellent resources to explore.

In summary, while the Clear-She is a satirical take on society’s unrealistic body expectations for women, it highlights the absurdity of needing to hide ourselves to pacify societal judgments.