I’m mid-sentence, lost in a thought I can’t quite recall, when I hear it—a loud snore. Seriously? I think, this is like something out of a bad sitcom. We aren’t that couple, right? The one where the guy dozes off while his partner rambles on about things that seem monumental to her, only to be interrupted by the thunderous snore of a slumbering bear.
Ugh, it turns out we are that couple. He’s the guy who can fall asleep faster than you can spell f-u-c-k-t-h-i-s, while I’m left wide awake, eyes wide open, battling a wave of anxiety and insomnia. Great, and now the cat has claimed my stomach like it’s her personal pillow.
What I really need is a MANbien prescription, and I need it like, yesterday.
Now, let’s clarify: MANbien is not to be confused with the sleep aid Ambien. No, this fantasy pill would encapsulate all the carefree, blissful hormones that allow men to snooze anywhere, anytime—including right when they climb into bed. In fact, MANbien is so effective that users could fall asleep at a 45-degree angle before even grazing a pillow. Amazing, right?
Just imagine all the things women could ditch if they were under the influence of MANbien instead of being perpetually alert. No more scouring Google for every ache and pain, convinced you’re terminally ill before morning. Forget the mental lists of tasks that vanish as soon as your phone alarm goes off while you mindlessly scroll through social media.
And let’s not forget the kids. Those awake little creatures who need everything done during the day while you’re up all night juggling chores like replacing toilet paper rolls or cleaning up empty bottles from the shower as if you’re training to be a hotel maid.
Plus, who wants to deal with the rage that bubbles up after spotting a single dirty glass inches from the dishwasher? Not to mention the endless sock-matching game that feels more like a punishment than a chore.
And the night terrors? Walking into the bathroom to discover stray hairs that definitely don’t belong to you? Nope, thank you. I did not sign up for this midlife madness.
When I finally get my MANbien, I’m ready to spread out in bed like I’m making snow angels, and everyone else just has to deal with it. The cat can find a different spot—I’ve claimed my territory, thank you very much—and my partner can half-snooze on his side like I’ve done for years. Sure, it’s a little petty, but a woman’s gotta get her beauty rest to slay the day, right?
For more insights on home insemination, check out this related blog post. And if you’re looking to boost fertility, Make a Mom has some great supplements. Plus, NHS is an excellent resource for anyone curious about pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, a MANbien prescription would be the perfect solution for those sleepless nights and overwhelming responsibilities, allowing women to reclaim their rest and sanity.