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The Most Perilous Phrases a Parent Can Utter
It’s a well-known fact that our words have incredible power over our children, shaping their self-esteem and worldview. Even the simplest phrases can either uplift or undermine, serve as a blessing or a burden, and can create a whirlwind of emotions (much like our kids, right?). Among these phrases, there’s one that tends to slip out more often than it should, even when we don’t realize it.
That seemingly innocent yet hazardous phrase? “Mm-hmm.” Or its equally treacherous cousin, “Uh-huh.”
Technically, these aren’t even words—they’re mere sounds signaling that we’re 1) listening, 2) interested, and 3) somewhat in agreement. The irony? Most of the time, we’re really none of those things when we say them.
Why do we keep using these little sounds? Because they often get the job done: they make our kids stop bugging us without having to outright say, “Go away! I’m busy!” The guilt of saying that would weigh heavily on us, and it would make our little ones feel insignificant. So, we resort to the mm-hmm escape, as illustrated in this typical exchange.
Me: *struggling to balance bills and think*
Daughter: “Hey Mom, do you know Lisa from school? Not the one who always wears pink, but the one with the ponytail? Well, she got this new art set for her birthday, and guess what? It has glitter! But I want a new drawing pad because the one I have is all filled up. Can I get one?”
Me: “Mm-hmm.”
Daughter: “Thanks, Mom! You’re amazing!” *skips away*
In moments like this, it’s effective. We dodge the interruption and can return to our important tasks, while our kids feel acknowledged. In reality, I might have only caught fragments—art set, glitter, drawing pad—but it’s enough to keep the peace.
Listening to our kids is crucial—we should pause, make eye contact, and genuinely engage with them. But kids have an uncanny ability to pick the most inconvenient times to chat, like when we’re on hold with customer service or trying to meet a work deadline. Hence, we resort to our trusty “mm-hmm.”
However, while this tactic can offer a brief respite, it’s also a risky gamble. It’s like rolling the dice. It often works well enough to build our confidence, but it can easily backfire, leading to unexpected consequences. For example, instead of a simple conversation about art supplies, it might go like this:
“Hey, Mom, do you remember our neighbor’s cat, Whiskers? He was so cool! My friend Alex—no, not the one who always wears sneakers, but the one with the glasses—found a stray cat in his yard. It’s super skinny, has a weird eye, and his mom won’t let him bring it inside. Can we take it in?”
In this case, saying “mm-hmm” gets you quick silence but also leads to a new pet that could be a handful and a slew of challenges on your hands. Yikes.
So, fellow parents, tread carefully with the “mm-hmm” response. That little phrase may seem like a lifesaver, but it can also complicate life in ways you never expected.
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Summary
The phrase “mm-hmm” is a common response that may seem harmless but can lead to misunderstandings or complications in parenting. It’s essential to be mindful of how we communicate with our children, as our words can have a lasting impact on their feelings and experiences.