Home Insemination Kit Confessions: I Could Walk Away, But We Have Kids

home insemination Kit

You’re not a terrible person. However, it seems you’re no longer exactly what I need.

My affection for you started to taper off when you resumed your studies. With promises of a bigger paycheck right after graduation—after all, you assured me this career path would take you places fast—we made the decision for you to juggle full-time work and school while I managed the household and our little ones. Our daughter was just a year and a half old, and our son was still under six months. During those countless nights, it was me who comforted them when they were unwell. It was me who rocked them to sleep. It was me who played, taught, and cared for them. It was all me.

As you pursued your education, I became self-sufficient. I learned how to manage the household and raise our children on my own, relying solely on myself to get the job done.

I wasn’t bitter then. I believed your words that this would pay off soon—that it was merely a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain. But now, here I am, in a cramped apartment years after you finished your studies, and our bank account looks almost identical to how it did before you decided to go back to school. The only difference is that I’ve contributed my own earnings too. Thankfully, I figured out how to bring in some income to support our family. I honestly don’t know where we would be without it.

But here we are now. Those months of solo parenting have stripped away my need for you, and my desire to cling to our marriage has faded. The truth is, I feel like an island sharing a bed with you. I get annoyed when you weigh in on parenting choices because all I think is, “You weren’t here. You chased a dream, and now we’re left stranded on Debt Island with no rescue ship.”

The reality is that I don’t need you. I could walk away, but… I can’t do that to our kids.

Having experienced divorce myself, I know the heartache it brings. Those thoughts of “Was it my fault? Did I cause this?” haunted me as a child. School events for Father’s Day were never easy. Watching my mom struggle as a single parent, sacrificing her well-being to ensure we had dinner each night left lasting scars. I could leave you, but I refuse to do that to our kids.

They are blissfully unaware of the turmoil that’s been brewing. They haven’t witnessed our arguments or felt the weight of our pain. I won’t let them suffer for the choices we made as a once-happy couple. I want them to experience the love of two parents. I want them to see us as a functioning family because I never had that.

So today and every day moving forward, I will strive to forgive both of us for our mistakes and shortcomings. I’ll try to look at you with fresh eyes—not focused on the past, but on what lies ahead. I will hold onto the hope that we can work through this. I will pray for improvement. I committed to our marriage vows in front of God and others, and I’ll uphold them—not for me, but for our children. I hope they never have to know there was a moment when I thought about leaving you, but couldn’t bring myself to do it for their sake. This is a journey, and I’ll take it one day at a time.

For more insights on family and parenting, check out our other blog posts like this one on home insemination. If you’re looking for resources on getting started, Make A Mom offers excellent information. Additionally, for anyone exploring options like IVF, Healthline is a fantastic resource.

Summary:

The author shares their struggles in a marriage strained by one partner’s pursuit of education and career, leading to feelings of isolation and self-sufficiency. Despite contemplating leaving, they prioritize their children’s well-being and commit to fostering a healthy family dynamic.