Alright, folks, let’s have a chat about sex. If you’re anything like me and spent your formative years grooving to Salt-N-Pepa, you probably can’t even glance at that phrase without adding, “Ba-by…” (And if you’re truly like me, you might just stop everything to rap the entire song!). Regardless of your early ’90s playlist, the phrase “let’s talk about sex” tends to bring on a wave of nerves. But guess what? We absolutely need to talk about it.
I vividly remember a car ride with my mom and younger brother when that iconic Salt-N-Pepa track came on the radio. It was the mid-90s, and I was just starting to navigate the stormy seas of puberty. My mom, with all the good intentions in the world, casually asked, “Do you understand what they’re saying?” Panic struck. “No!” I shrieked, lunging for the radio dial. It was too late for me.
My mom is genuinely a smart, caring person, and her approach mirrored that of many well-meaning parents. Throughout my childhood, she tried to shield me from anything deemed inappropriate. This meant I was kept away from shows and movies that might spark questions about sex. As I hit puberty a bit early—let’s just say it was a rocky ride—she adapted her strategy. She taught me about sanitary pads, showed me books with diagrams of anatomy, and warned me that boys might notice me. Most importantly, she told me I could ask her anything.
But by that point, it was too late. I already had a deep-seated feeling that sex was wrong, especially for girls. I learned it was okay to giggle about kissing boys, but that nobody could find out about my pillow-rubbing habit before bed or my fantasies about what it would be like for a boy to touch me. When my classmates labeled me a “slut” after some rumors spread, I was consumed by shame. I barely understood sex, but I knew that “sluts” were seen as worthless.
Maybe you can relate, or maybe you’re a parent reading this in 2016, navigating a vastly different landscape. Back in the ’90s, my mom’s mission to protect me felt Herculean. (Yes, my sister and I eventually cracked the TV code to watch “Singled Out” after school.) Nowadays, however, it’s practically impossible. Resources like Common Sense Media can guide parents in making informed decisions about what their kids consume, but that’s just a tiny fraction of the content kids encounter.
We can choose not to educate them about sex, but kids are naturally curious and will find information, often from friends or the media. They’ll absorb all the myths from Hollywood, but they’ll also scroll through sexy social media posts and may even come across or seek out explicit content online. I can’t even imagine navigating puberty with a world of sexual content just a click away! The internet has fundamentally changed the game.
Even kids who aren’t particularly precocious will see ads that convey a specific message about femininity. They’ll encounter pop-ups for brands featuring models in suggestive poses, all while trying to sell clothing. We can’t block this kind of content, but we can prep our kids to navigate it by discussing sex openly and honestly from an early age.
One effective way to normalize discussions about sex is to have regular, low-pressure, age-appropriate conversations and to answer their questions without shame. This equips them with factual information and a healthy outlook on sex, empowering them to critically assess the messages they receive from the media and their peers. As Zoe Carter puts it, we aren’t doing kids any favors by feeding them lies about sex; rather, we help them by “offering the truth, the whole truth, and allowing it to resonate so they can make wise choices.”
When you think about it, much of what makes adolescence so tough is the embarrassment and confusion stemming from a lack of knowledge about sexuality. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can break the cycle of discomfort.
I’ve learned a ton from parents who embrace this concept. It requires a commitment to facing the awkwardness that arises when kids ask questions about sex. Instead of panicking, view it as a chance to model straightforward, healthy conversations about sex as a natural part of life. If a sex scene pops up in a family movie, take it as a cue to discuss it afterward. We don’t need to bring up sex out of nowhere; we can utilize the media our children are already exposed to as a springboard for these discussions. Topics like consent, body autonomy, and gossip will inevitably surface.
When they do, we have two choices: we can perpetuate the cycle of embarrassment, or we can choose to end it.
Let’s break the cycle. Let’s not raise another generation burdened by fear of something so fundamental to human life. It’s time to have a candid conversation about sex.
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In summary, discussing sex openly with kids is crucial to arming them with the knowledge they need to navigate their world confidently. By engaging in low-pressure conversations and utilizing media as teaching tools, we can foster a healthier understanding of sexuality and help break the stigma that surrounds it.