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Embracing My Son’s Competitive Nature
Not long ago, I found myself engrossed in a game of Candyland with my 3-year-old. He was just a few steps away from reaching King Kandy’s castle and was practically bouncing with excitement. And then, as is typical in the thrilling world of Candyland, he was sent back to Grandma Nutt’s house. His disappointment was palpable, his little brow furrowing in frustration. He declared he wasn’t going to Grandma Nutt’s; he was determined to stay put!
I reminded him that we had to stick to the rules, explaining that anyone could be sent backward and that we should keep playing until someone won. I reassured him that it didn’t matter who reached King Kandy’s castle first and that we could always play again later.
To my astonishment, instead of throwing a tantrum, he sulked for a moment but then accepted his fate and continued the game. This unexpected calmness reminded me of my older son, who, at the same age, would have sent the Candyland board flying across the room in a fit of rage. Yep, he showcased a competitive spirit even back then.
As time went on, my older son’s competitive nature only intensified. Losing a game typically led to imaginative justifications for why he should win, complaints about the rules, or accusations of cheating. There were moments when he embarrassed me in front of his grandparents and friends, turning into quite the sore loser. I often avoided competitive games with him or insisted he play fair and accept defeat graciously.
Gradually, things improved. He didn’t exhibit that behavior at school, but he still strived for perfection and excellence in everything he did. Thankfully, he has a sharp mind; he’s been tested as gifted, and I’ve learned that gifted children can often display a heightened sense of competitiveness and perfectionism.
Although that can be frustrating, especially when a 5-year-old turns into a volcano of emotions during a simple game of Go Fish, something remarkable has happened as he’s matured. Now at 9, he still has his moments but has become more self-aware and is working hard to control his temper. He shows disappointment when he loses but manages to handle it much better. He prefers to win, of course, but he understands how to be a good sport.
More impressively, his competitive edge has transformed into a genuine drive for success. If he doesn’t score perfectly on a math test, he’s the one who takes the initiative to study harder for the next one. On occasions when he feels too tired to do his homework, I’ll suggest he skip it, only to find him waking up early the next morning to complete it.
Last year, when his entire third grade started learning to play recorders, I quickly found myself searching for earplugs. My son set out to master every song in the music book before his classmates. His dedication was evident as he practiced tirelessly, impressing his music teacher in the process.
While I take pride in his ambition and drive, I also worry. Life isn’t always fair, and he will face challenges and disappointments, even in areas where he excels. It’s essential for him to learn how to navigate those failures. I strive to create a safe space for him to express his feelings, frustrations, and fears, providing guidance on how to handle his unique character traits. I remind him of his strengths while also encouraging him to acknowledge and work on his weaknesses.
He’s come a long way since the days of tossing Candyland across the room, and I couldn’t be prouder of the bright, enthusiastic, and persistent young man he’s becoming.
So, if you’re dealing with a fiery, competitive little one, hang in there. Take a deep breath and brace yourself. It does get better! One day, you’ll witness your child channel their fierce spirit into something amazing, ready to conquer the world.
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Summary
This article shares the journey of navigating a child’s competitive nature, highlighting the differences between siblings and the growth that comes with age. It discusses the challenges of dealing with competitive behavior while emphasizing the positive outcomes of harnessing that drive for success.