10 Reasons I’m Late to Your Event

home insemination Kit

Sep. 18, 2023

I used to be the person who arrived everywhere at least 10 minutes early. That was before I had kids, a time when my home was tidy and cushions stayed right where they belonged. I once thought pillows were a little like children—calm and reliable. Fast forward to today, and getting out the door requires at least an hour of preparation. Yet, more often than not, we end up running late, usually for these reasons:

1. Getting Dressed Takes Forever.

   My 3-year-old insists, “I can do it!” This usually involves a chaotic struggle with her pants—two legs in one hole, then one leg in a hole that somehow ends up inside out. Sometimes she waves a white flag and lets me help, but other times, we leave with her outfit resembling something only a pop star like Lady Gaga could pull off.

2. Everyone Moves at a Snail’s Pace.

   The child without a jacket suddenly thinks assembling their train set is the most crucial task ever. Meanwhile, the one without shoes has decided that the kitchen stairs are a great place to sit with a shoe in their mouth. Spoiler alert: no one is anywhere near the car.

3. My Keys Have Disappeared Again.

   Let’s be honest: since becoming a parent, I’ve lost my mind along with my keys. If they’re not in the ignition or hanging on the hook, they might as well be on Mars.

4. A Quick Turnaround is Never Quick.

   We’ll be halfway to your place when someone remembers their beloved teddy bear is missing and we must turn back immediately. Of course, once we get home, nobody has a clue where it is. Six hours later, we’re still without the bear, which somehow went missing in transit.

5. The Garage is a Mystery.

   When we don’t have plans, the garage transforms into a magical realm filled with lost treasures. But when we’re trying to leave? Well, no one remembers where it is.

6. Potty Breaks Galore.

   One child claims they don’t need to go, while another requires a full bathroom experience that includes a step stool and an entire roll of toilet paper—now on the floor. Just when I think we’re finally ready, the first one suddenly changes their mind, and, of course, the baby has an unexpected blowout.

7. Surprise! I’ve Got Spit-Up in My Hair.

   I didn’t realize it until I attempted to clean syrup off my shirt. Unfortunately, sour milk can’t be wiped away with a wet wipe, necessitating a peculiar hair-cleaning method involving just the right amount of shampoo and water.

8. Oops, I Had to Change Clothes.

   Thanks to an unfortunate incident with poop on my shirt, I had to swap outfits. You’re welcome!

9. Someone’s Always Starving.

   Because, naturally, breakfast was forgotten in the chaos of trying to get dressed—everyone was too busy trying to figure out how to wear their pants correctly.

10. I Completely Lost Track of Time.

    I can barely remember what day it is most of the time. Honestly, there are nights I forget to brush my teeth until it’s nearly bedtime. You’re lucky I can still remember your name; half the time, I can’t even keep my kids’ names straight!

So, now that I’ve finally arrived and your event is over, how about we just call this a coffee catch-up or a playdate? I know you don’t have kids, but you do have a few pillows lying around. Those are somewhat like kids, don’t you think?

For more parenting mishaps and relatable stories, check out this post on intracervical insemination. And if you’re interested in home insemination, make sure to visit Make a Mom, a great resource on the topic. Also, if you want some solid information on pregnancy, Cleveland Clinic has excellent resources for home insemination.

Summary:

Navigating parenthood often leads to a series of hilarious and chaotic delays, from dressing mishaps to sudden potty breaks. Balancing kids and social commitments can feel like a juggling act, leaving parents perpetually late but with plenty of funny stories to share.