“Ugh! Why am I such a klutz?!” my partner Mike grumbles, glaring at the charred mess in the frying pan. I wince as if he just set off a firework in a library. “I know, I know,” he mutters, aware that our little ones are listening, yet struggling to suppress the impulse to berate himself when things go awry.
Over the years, Mike and I have had numerous discussions about the significance of our words—how we express ourselves and talk about others, especially in front of our kids. His habit of belittling himself stems from the constant criticism he witnessed growing up—not necessarily aimed at him, but clearly modeled around him. I can relate; I have my own self-critical moments. Most of us do, right?
Kids are little sponges, soaking up everything we say, especially the stuff we wish they wouldn’t hear. They pick up on the way we talk about ourselves and others, often mirroring that language when they think no one is listening.
I recall an episode of Oprah featuring a mother whose daughter battled body image issues. Despite the mother’s constant affirmations of beauty directed at her daughter, she often referred to her own body as “fat” and “ugly.” The disconnect was astounding; despite her best efforts, the daughter internalized her mother’s self-criticism. That story really made an impression on me.
I don’t want my kids to engage in a perpetual struggle with negative self-talk. I want them to be gentle with themselves and others. While I understand we aren’t solely responsible for shaping our children’s inner dialogues, I’ve made it a priority to be mindful of what I say—not just to them, but around them. If I make derogatory comments about my appearance, they might think it’s acceptable behavior. If I call myself foolish or criticize my mistakes, they might see that as the norm, even if I’d never dream of saying those things directly to them.
But let’s be real—it’s a challenge. We live in a society that thrives on judgment, with endless channels for negativity. It’s tough not to let that seep into our homes and our speech. None of us is free from critical thoughts, and sometimes it’s hard to keep those feelings bottled up. Ultimately, it’s about being conscious of the language we use, especially when our kids are within earshot.
I’ve discovered that being more mindful has its perks. Catching myself before I let self-critical thoughts slip has pushed me toward a more positive outlook, which spills over into every aspect of my life. I find myself more compassionate toward my shortcomings and more patient with the flaws of others. I’ve also become better at recognizing when negative talk is present and how it impacts the atmosphere. Over time, my internal dialogue has softened significantly.
While I can’t promise that monitoring our words will magically improve our kids’ self-esteem, I genuinely believe words hold power. I’ve witnessed the repercussions of growing up in a critical environment, and I’d much rather promote positivity than add to my children’s self-doubt. They’ll certainly face enough negativity from the outside world, so I want our home to be a refuge instead.
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In summary, being aware of our words can be a game changer for our kids. By fostering kindness in our speech, we can help them develop a healthier self-image and encourage them to treat themselves with compassion.