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Should I Remain Married for the Kids?
At some point in every marriage, it’s totally normal—some might even say expected—to go through a dry patch, a phase of quiet discontent, or sometimes a rollercoaster of emotions. Some folks call it the “Seven Year Itch.” For me, it felt more like a jagged road full of unexpected bumps. So, when the silence between my husband and I finally broke with the word “divorce,” it wasn’t exactly shocking.
If I’m honest, there was a strange sense of relief in acknowledging that we needed to confront our issues. As I began to learn more about divorce and dreaded the thought of custody battles—along with the heartache of splitting up a lifetime of memories—I found myself pondering whether we could avoid the divide altogether. Could we stay married for the sake of the kids?
But before I could tackle that loaded question, a flood of other queries bubbled up—ones that felt kinda ugly to even think about. I wonder if other women feel similarly.
Would we become celibate? Could I really give up intimacy for a decade or more while raising our children? I’m not a robot; I have needs! And let’s be real, affection-starved is a real thing. Most days, I manage to push those feelings aside and focus on my kids, but I’m still a woman who craves love in both physical and emotional ways. Is that too selfish?
What about an open marriage, where we don’t ask questions and just find our own ways to meet our needs, but without all the emotional baggage? I’ve read about these setups, and when I’m feeling particularly lonely, it almost seems appealing. But could I honestly live with the idea of my husband having another partner? I don’t think I could. Truthfully, I can’t imagine being with anyone else but him—even when we’re not communicating.
Staying married for the kids—what message does that send to them? Would it skew their understanding of gender equality? My husband and I may not be on the same page regarding our relationship, but we align on parenting. We both want to teach our children that women and men are equal. If we stick together solely for their sake, will they think that wives should be submissive?
I can bear the heartache and mostly shield my kids from it by managing my reactions to our marital reality. Like any good mom, I’m ready to put my children’s needs before my own, but is that the right choice? Should we stay married, or is it time for a divorce? I don’t have the answers, but I keep circling these questions in my heart and mind.
Women are incredibly resilient and can endure a lot. I get that. While I’m willing to sacrifice my happiness for my children, I can’t help but wonder if I’m making the right choice and what the repercussions might be.
In the end, I love my family, including my husband. Even if we can’t seem to make it work, I remember the times when we thrived together, and I choose to be patient, hoping that the right path will eventually reveal itself.
For more insights on navigating complex family dynamics, check out this excellent resource from the CDC about pregnancy and family planning. And if you’re curious about home insemination options, BabyMaker is a great authority on the subject. For more information about the steps involved, take a look at this post.