Some parents have one or two kids and reach a definitive conclusion that their family is complete. Others never quite feel done but find the resolve to stop expanding their brood due to the realities of biology or financial constraints. Most of us, however, hover in that uncertain zone of “I think I’m done, but I’m not entirely sure.”
That would describe me perfectly for the past few years. At 38, with two sons spaced five years apart, my finances are tight, and sleep has been a distant memory for over a decade. Logically, it seemed clear that my reproductive days needed to be put on lockdown.
Yet, my heart often whispers a different tune. “Just one more…” it coos, even while I’m up at 3 a.m., cradling a feverish child with arms clinging tightly around my neck. It’s an exhausting mental tug-of-war—my rational side on one end and my emotional side on the other. Recently, however, I feel like my mind has taken a decisive lead.
Earlier this summer, our trusty old Honda Civic—15 years strong—began showing signs of its age. We bought it when we first tied the knot, and it had been a reliable companion. But then, it started sputtering and broke down in the grocery store parking lot right after I had filled the trunk to the brim. The “check engine” light became a constant reminder of its impending demise, leading to a series of costly repairs.
Considering how my two kids have already stretched our finances, it became clear that we couldn’t justify sinking more money into the Civic. So, we raided our savings, borrowed from family, and eventually purchased a new car. With my husband commuting by train and me working from home, we opted for another compact, fuel-efficient vehicle—something that had served us well for the last 15 years.
As we stood at the Volkswagen dealership, signing papers and exchanging checks, a realization struck me: there would be no room for a third car seat in our new car. In the midst of all the car research, budgeting, and negotiations, I hadn’t even considered that detail.
While my logical side would have chosen the car regardless, my heart didn’t push back. My ovaries didn’t throw a tantrum either. And honestly? I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I was done with the internal debate of whether or not to expand our family.
Sure, it’s tempting to daydream about the “what ifs”—imagining rearranging our home for another little one, calculating our finances to see if we could juggle another kid’s college fund, or picturing a spontaneous moment with my partner that leads to an unplanned pregnancy. Yet, the reality is, sometimes it’s just better to borrow a friend’s baby for an hour, inhale that delightful baby scent, and then hand them back when the fun fades.
Perhaps the best future fantasy is envisioning the grandkids—those little ones we’ll spoil and then happily send back to their parents when the sugar rush kicks in! It’s true that the heart has its desires, but often, what you truly want is already right in front of you.
So, as I strap my two boys into their car seats in our new vehicle, I glance at the small gap between them and think, “That’s just enough room for a couple of overdue library books, an empty bag from the drug store, and some goldfish crumbs.” And looking at my two goofy, chatty, sweet boys, I realize, “I have everything I need, right here.”
If you’re curious about more on this topic, check out our post on home insemination and learn about essential kits from Make A Mom that can help you on your journey. For further insights into pregnancy, visit Healthline, which is an excellent resource.
Summary:
Navigating the decision of whether to have more children can be a complex emotional journey. For one mother, the realization came during a car purchase that there simply wasn’t room for another baby in her life. As she embraced the joys of her existing family, she discovered that what she truly wanted was already present—her two sweet boys.