A few months back, I found myself yelling at my kids to hurry up so we wouldn’t miss their spring concert. I was determined to grab a good seat, and honestly, I was frustrated at how exhausting it was to get them out the door on time. I was a flustered, sweaty mess, but once we arrived at the school, I plastered on a smile and strutted in my heels like I had it all together.
Fast forward an hour, and I was sitting in the fifth row, tears streaming down my face as I watched my daughter perform on stage for the last time in elementary school. Some of those tears were fueled by guilt from earlier—why did I let myself lose it while they looked so adorable in their concert outfits? Why can’t I maintain my composure for them consistently? Some days, it feels like the smallest things can set me off, while other days, I sail through chaos.
Some days, I’m quick to say “no” without even thinking about it. Later, I realize that a “yes” would have been perfectly fine, but I stubbornly stick to my guns. On other days, I change my mind and say “yes” after initially saying “no,” knowing it’s not the best message, but it just feels right in the moment.
Some days, I handle the mess from their toys with grace, stepping on matchbox cars without flinching. Other days, I firmly declare they need to keep their Lego creations in their room—some days, I just can’t deal with the mess.
Some days, I whip up a lavish dinner and blissfully ignore their complaints, embracing the joy of cooking. Other days, I slam dishes into the dishwasher, feeling like I’m raising a bunch of ungrateful little darlings who don’t appreciate a nutritious meal.
Sometimes, I argue with my partner in front of the kids, showing them how we can get angry but also resolve things. Other times, I keep my frustrations bottled up until they’re asleep, feeling the weight of the day lift.
I often find myself gazing out the window, marveling at how lucky I am to have these little ones. Yet, there are countless moments where I tell them to just go play outside, craving some peace and quiet.
When I take a brief trip to the store, I might feel a wave of longing for them, missing their presence after just an hour apart. Other times, I linger in the parking lot, sipping on a soda, needing a little more time to gather myself before heading home.
Some days, I’m social and plan fun outings with fellow moms. Other days, I can’t handle a conversation with anyone outside my family; I need to stay in my comfy yoga pants, just breathing.
There are days I feel like a rockstar mom, nailing it all, while other days, I feel like I’m failing, desperately trying to give my best but feeling overwhelmed. “Not today,” I tell myself, knowing tomorrow might not be any better.
Motherhood is a beautiful mess. It’s unpredictable and, let’s be honest, a bit terrifying. I may not parent as consistently as those parenting books suggest, but I’ve come to terms with that. What remains constant, however, is the love. That unconditional, indescribable love we hold for our children. It never wavers and, in so many ways, it completes us.
While I may not be the same every day and my kids certainly aren’t either, the love we share remains a steadfast constant. And for me and my family, that’s more than enough.
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Summary:
Motherhood is a chaotic yet beautiful experience that varies from day to day. From moments of frustration to overwhelming love, it encompasses a wide range of emotions and challenges. Embracing the unpredictability of parenting while holding onto the unconditional love for our children is what truly defines our journey.