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Why I Leave Homework Assistance to My Partner
The hours between 4 and 7 p.m. are a true test of patience for every parent. This “witching hour” doesn’t magically disappear after the baby years. I can’t say for sure if it’s hunger, fatigue, or simply the weight of the day, but it seems like everyone in my household has a meltdown during this time, myself included.
Sound familiar? Here’s a glimpse into my chaotic evenings. First up, dinner prep. It’s more of a comedy than a meal at our place since my kids snack incessantly from 3 p.m. onward. Yet, somehow, we still manage to squeeze in an actual dinner amid the endless requests for more food.
Then comes the dreaded clean-up. There’s always a mountain of dishes waiting to be tackled, lunch boxes to unpack, and toys strewn across the floor that require constant reminders for my kids to put away. Add in the permission slips to sign, teachers to contact, and the barrage of stories from my kids about their day, and I’m juggling more roles than a circus performer.
And then there’s homework. Ugh, homework. It’s a shared burden between parents and kids that feels utterly pointless at times. Research suggests that elementary students gain little from homework, particularly in the early years. Perhaps it’s meant to instill discipline, but it often feels like more of a struggle than an educational tool.
My son, a solid student, breezes through most schoolwork but dreads homework like it’s a chore. After six hours of school, it’s no surprise he has no desire to tackle more assignments, especially when they mimic what he’s already done all day. While I understand teachers don’t always have a choice in assigning it, I’ve offered my son the option to skip it entirely some nights, but he insists on completing it—what a trooper!
However, turning what should be a quick 15 minutes of work into an hour of negotiation is exhausting. The irony of him wanting to get it done but needing constant prodding is not lost on me. So, when the evening chaos unfolds, I willingly hand over the homework reins to my husband, the hero of the hour.
My spouse, a high school English teacher, deals with his own set of challenges during the day, but he comes home ready to tackle our son’s homework. He understands that I’m swamped with to-dos, and homework is just a piece of the evening puzzle. Sure, some nights are pure mayhem—both he and our son can be cranky, and the homework can leave us all scratching our heads (seriously, Common Core math, what gives?).
Yet, it also presents opportunities for bonding. They often engage in playful banter over absurd math problems or turn homework into a game to lighten the mood. Most of the time, this arrangement works well and it’s a fair division of responsibilities. As much as homework is a necessary evil, my husband knows he has it easier when compared to my evening duties.
I know I’m fortunate to have a partner who comes home at a decent hour and willingly takes on the homework challenge. It’s amusing that we even have to label it as “help”—if your partner is around during those hectic hours, they should definitely pitch in.
This year, as our son enters fourth grade, we plan to encourage him to take on more responsibility for his homework. We’ll see how that goes, but if it ends up being a struggle, my husband will be back at the kitchen table, bleary-eyed, trying to decipher new math methods while our son laments the lack of sharpeners.
In the meantime, I’ll be at the sink, once again tackling the mountain of dishes, stealing glances at my husband and son, thankful that I can step back from long division and grateful for my partner handling it.
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Summary
In the midst of the evening chaos, I delegate homework responsibilities to my husband, a high school teacher, while I focus on dinner and household tasks. This division of labor eases the stress of homework struggles, allowing for bonding moments between father and son. As our son prepares to enter fourth grade, we aim to encourage him to take more ownership of his assignments, with my husband ready to step in if needed.