Embracing Our True Selves: A Letter to My Kids About Belonging

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Hey there, kiddos, it’s time for a little chat. Now, I’m no expert, but I’ve been around the block a few times, and I think I’ve picked up a thing or two along the way. Remember our dinner table discussion about friends, fitting in, and what it means to be popular? It was a tough talk for me, and I didn’t quite have the right words at that moment. After mulling it over for a few days, I’ve got some thoughts I want to share.

I get it—being popular seems super important right now, maybe even the most important thing ever. I know that school days are filled with interactions that go beyond math, science, or social studies. You’re constantly surrounded by others, yet somehow, you can still feel lonely or overlooked. Even though your dad and I encourage you to just be yourselves, it often seems like fitting in requires you to act like someone entirely different—like those cooler kids or the characters you see on TV.

Let’s take a moment to think about your favorite comfy pants. You know how much I adore my cozy clothes? After a long day, slipping into those soft, worn-in pants is such a relief, right? Picture it: fuzzy fleece and a shirt that feels like a hug, free from tags scratching at your skin. Sometimes, we wear our most comfortable outfits out in the world, but usually, we reserve those for home, where no one judges our looks—everyone else is in their comfy gear too.

Now, what if those comfy clothes symbolize your most authentic, true selves? I hope you feel you can be your real selves at home. It should be a safe haven where you can be exactly who you are, knowing you’re loved no matter what.

When we venture out, we often feel the need to “dress up” our outer selves. Sure, sometimes it’s necessary to look presentable with a nice outfit, jewelry, or makeup. But we also tend to put on a show—laughing at jokes that aren’t funny or participating in things we don’t enjoy just to fit in. I’ve been there too, and sometimes I still catch myself doing things that don’t resonate with my real self.

But here’s the catch: If you keep pretending for too long, you’ll soon feel uncomfortable, like squeezing into a pair of jeans that are one size too small. You might look good to others for a bit, but eventually, you’ll notice that you can’t move freely, and it becomes hard to enjoy what’s happening around you. You’ll start longing for those comfy pants again—your true self.

It’s vital to listen to that discomfort. Your authentic self doesn’t want to be suffocated or altered. She’s open to growth and change, but not at the expense of her true identity.

Being brave enough to show your real self can be scary—like going to the store in your pajamas. Will people stare? Will they mock you? But when you take that leap, you might inspire others to reveal their true selves too! And let me tell you, there’s no comparison between being the most popular kid and having genuine friends who love you for who you are. Once you experience that kind of friendship, you’ll always choose the cozy fleece over the tight jeans.

Many of those “cool kids” might have followers, but those people don’t truly know them. They only see the curated version they present to the world. Remember, you can’t be genuinely loved unless you’re genuinely known.

When I was your age, I thought popularity was my goal. Now, I realize that being known and loved for my real self is what I truly want. So, let’s be brave together! Let’s show up as our real selves and seek others who also desire genuine connection.

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In summary, being true to yourselves is far more rewarding than chasing superficial popularity. Embrace your comfy selves, seek real connections, and remember that authenticity will always win in the end.