My family recently embarked on a road trip to our cabin in upstate New York. When my kids were little, this journey was quite the circus act. What should have been a simple four-hour drive often stretched into an all-day marathon, complete with stops for diaper changes and nursing. To top it off, both of my little ones were notorious car screamers, which guaranteed we’d be pulling over every twenty minutes to calm them down.
I can still picture those days vividly: my babies, wriggling in their car seats, faces red and blotchy from tears, tiny fists flailing in frustration. It was absolute torture—for all of us. So, needless to say, I’m thankful that phase is behind us.
On our way home from this latest trip, we took a pit stop at a rest area to grab some Starbucks. My husband and two boys were comfortably ensconced in the car, glued to their screens, while I stood in a seemingly endless line of caffeine-hungry travelers. Behind me, a dad was trying to entertain a fussy baby on his knee.
The baby reached out and tugged at my hair. I chuckled. “Sorry,” the dad said, “he’s just got a serious case of crankies today.” I assured him I didn’t mind and found it kind of cute. Curiosity got the better of me, so I asked what was bothering the little one. “Oh, he just really hates the car,” he replied.
I shared my own experiences of car trips gone wrong, and I could see a flicker of relief in his eyes. Then he said something that struck a chord: “But I’ll miss it, right?”
I couldn’t help but laugh, “You’ll miss some of it, but the car crying? Not so much!” We both chuckled as we moved closer to the front of the line.
By the time we reached the counter, the poor baby had started wailing again, tears streaming down his chubby cheeks. The dad was bouncing him up and down, looking a bit sheepish. I heard him mutter to a stranger, “But I’ll miss it, right?”
I completely got where he was coming from, and if that mantra helped him cope, more power to him. However, I wish that phrase didn’t exist.
When I first became a mom, people often told me, “You’ll miss it all.” I’d voice my frustrations about sleepless nights, the overwhelming demands of a newborn, and how I felt like I’d lost my own identity. But all I got back was, “Just wait. You’ll miss it.” Not exactly the encouragement I needed.
Sure, I cherished many moments of motherhood, and I do long for my kids’ baby days with a bittersweet ache. But the genuinely tough parts? I don’t miss them one bit. During those challenging times, I simply needed a judgment-free zone to vent. I wanted to express how tough things could get without feeling like I was being ungrateful.
So, to that dad at the rest stop with the wailing little one, and to all the new parents out there feeling overwhelmed: it’s perfectly fine to express your frustrations. You don’t have to savor every single moment. Some parts of parenting just plain suck. Getting barfed on at 3 a.m.? It sucks. Sleeping in one-hour increments for six months straight? Absolutely awful. Bouncing a colicky baby for hours on end every night for months? Pure torture.
Complain as much as you need to. You love your kids fiercely, and you’re creating countless memorable moments that you wish you could bottle up forever. But that doesn’t mean you have to love every single aspect of parenting. It’s alright to acknowledge that some parts are downright difficult. I doubt you’ll miss the late-night vomit sessions, the sleepless nights, or the constant crying.
What makes you an incredible parent is the fact that you persevere through the chaos. You navigate the messiness of parenthood because your love for your little ones knows no bounds. You’re a warrior, a goddess, and a miracle worker. All parents are.
So relish the joyful moments, vent about the tough ones without hesitation, and keep moving forward. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey. We’ve all been there, and we all deserve a little treat after what we’ve been through—like a nice venti iced mocha Frappuccino.
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In summary, parenting is a mixed bag of beautiful moments and tough challenges. It’s okay to vent your frustrations, and you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. The hard parts don’t define your love as a parent. So go ahead, enjoy the good times, and remember that you’re doing an amazing job.