7 Essential Toddler Truths You Should Know

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Toddlers are a whole different breed, complete with their own set of rules, whims, and a rather unpredictable sense of morality. Navigating the toddler years is definitely not for the faint-hearted. One moment, I feel like a Disney princess, and the next, I’m channeling a character from a wild fantasy series—neither of which is particularly flattering. After diving deep into the toddler trenches, I’ve compiled a list of truths I wish I had grasped before my little one turned two. My hope is that these insights will serve as your compass in the chaotic world of toddlers, especially when you find yourself staring at an empty snack bag with what feels like an eternity until nap time.

1. Cleaning is Futile.

   No matter how much you scrub and tidy, your toddler will shadow you, scattering toys, splattering yogurt on the walls (trust me, bleach is your only friend), spilling juice from their “spill-proof” cup, and, of course, launching half-eaten snacks onto your freshly laundered sheets. You might as well accept that your home will resemble the “before” scene of a home renovation show.

2. Shoes are Elusive.

   My son has two pairs of the same shoes in different colors. Some days he’s all about the blue, other days he’s obsessed with the orange. Here’s the kicker: he loves to hide the pair he wants, which leads to endless searches for that one elusive orange shoe. If I had a coffee for every minute spent hunting it down, I’d be wired for life.

3. Nuggets are Lifesavers.

   Let’s be honest—there’s no fury like a toddler deprived of chicken nuggets. Before I became a parent, I thought I’d only serve them occasionally alongside organic veggies. Now? I buy them in bulk to ensure a constant supply in the fridge. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

4. You’ll Find Yourself Engaging in Shady Tactics.

   I know you’re a good person (so am I), but parenting a toddler can turn you into a master of deception. Ever tried to quietly open a bag of chips around them? You’ll soon discover yourself spinning elaborate tales to avoid sharing. You might even start believing your own fibs about bedtime or broccoli.

5. Bodily Fluids are Everywhere.

   I never imagined I’d be exposed to so many bodily fluids on a daily basis—diapers aside, I’m talking boogers, drool, and who knows what else. It’s a messy world, and I’m often on the receiving end of these “gifts” or stuck cleaning them up.

6. Colors Matter.

   Prepare yourself for the fact that you will never pick the right color sippy cup when it’s time to pour milk. And even if you somehow manage to choose the right one, I can guarantee you’ll misplace the matching lid. Don’t even get me started on toddler cutlery, where your choice of a simple fork can incite a meltdown of epic proportions.

7. Childproofing is a Joke.

   Installing baby gates or fancy cabinet locks is like issuing a challenge to your toddler. They’ll quickly demonstrate the futility of your efforts with astonishing speed. I’ve never witnessed such determination as when my toddler attempts to open the toilet lid to toss in his bath toys.

If any of this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone in this parenting journey. We’re all in this together. Good luck, fellow mama!

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Summary:

The journey through toddlerhood can be challenging and messy, filled with surprising truths about cleaning, food preferences, and childproofing attempts. Understanding these realities can help you navigate the chaos with a bit more ease and humor. Remember, you’re not alone in this wild ride of motherhood.