It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and it was also the “Sweet mother of God, what in the world is that thumping?” times.
A few months ago, my eldest son entered the wild world of middle school. Now sporting a plain polo shirt with no logos, he’s developed that special scent of teenage funk, has a slightly shinier appearance, enjoys the luxury of sleeping in, and rolls his eyes like a pro when he thinks I’m not watching. These changes are the usual markers of a kid entering their “tweendom.” What we didn’t anticipate was his newfound obsession: bottle flipping.
If you’re blissfully unaware of bottle flipping, I envy you. May I have the address of the rock you’ve been living under? Let’s hide there together, enjoy some Indian takeout, sip vodka martinis, and paint each other’s nails while escaping the chaos that is bottle flipping. Seriously, it’s everywhere—much like the 2016 presidential election, but without the end in sight.
For those uninitiated, bottle flipping entails taking a partially filled plastic water bottle and flipping it with the hope that it lands upright. Regardless of whether it succeeds or not, every parent is currently subjected to the relentless thumping of these water bottles echoing throughout the house. Just when you thought the recorder was the worst noise you’d ever have to endure…
Spoiler alert: It’s worse.
Recently, we hosted a sleepover for my son’s birthday. I already have three kids—how bad could five more boys be for twelve hours? That was my thought until they arrived armed with their bottles, flipping them off the second-floor loft onto my tile floor. I begged them to change the water levels to create a more interesting soundscape, perhaps a symphony of thumps. Spoiler: It did not turn into a catchy song—unless you enjoy the sounds of getting an MRI.
The fun came to a grinding halt when bottles burst, forcing me to confront my second least favorite task: cleaning. I promptly banished these flip-happy kids to the front yard. I’m certain my neighbors have added me to their list of grievances.
I vented to a mom with older kids, who delivered the classic, “At least it’s not ____” lecture. You can fill in the blank with anything you like: drugs, sex, bullying, clowns—you get the picture. She was right: bottle flipping isn’t the end of the world. Yet, it is (thump) the soundtrack (thump) to my life right (thump) now. “OMG, can you please stop flipping that bottle for a second so I can form a coherent thought?” (silence) Where was I?
So, while bottle flipping might not be the worst ordeal a parent can face, it is incredibly irritating, serves zero purpose, and is like the worst case of hiccups imaginable. And honestly, who enjoys having the hiccups?
This article was originally published on Oct. 7, 2016. For more on parenting challenges, check out some insights on our blog over at Home Insemination Kit.
Summary:
Bottle flipping has become a prevalent annoyance for parents, especially those with middle schoolers. The activity creates a relentless thumping sound that can drive anyone mad, reminiscent of the worst types of noise. While it might not be the gravest issue parents face, it is certainly a test of patience, similar to the experience of dealing with hiccups.