By: Jessica Taylor
As I reminisce about my days of breastfeeding, a whirlwind of memories comes rushing back: dozing off with my baby in my arms at 3 a.m., the eternal struggle with my pump as it beeped obnoxiously, and awkwardly waddling around with that nursing pillow strapped to me like a fashion statement gone wrong. And let’s not forget the time I heard a fellow mom share a horrifying tale about her baby biting off part of her nipple. Yes, really.
Before diving deeper, let me introduce myself. I’m a mother of two and a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) aimed at alleviating stress and anxiety. A significant portion of my practice revolves around supporting moms overwhelmed by the pressures of parenthood. Unsurprisingly, breastfeeding often emerges as a major source of stress. Here’s a snapshot of the stories I frequently encounter:
- A mom desperately attempting to nurse, but for valid reasons—like her baby not latching or needing to resume her antidepressant medication—feels engulfed by guilt and anxiety about the potential negative effects of formula feeding.
- Another mom consciously chooses not to breastfeed for equally valid reasons, such as wanting to reclaim her body or lacking the time to pump at work. Sadly, she often faces shame, amplified by reactions like, “Oh, you’re formula feeding?”
- Then there’s the mom who manages to nurse but is plagued with anxiety. She constantly worries if her baby is getting enough nourishment and spends hours poring over breastfeeding guides, convinced that mastering some elusive technique will make it all better.
I can relate to these struggles. At a breastfeeding support group, I once listened to a mother share her harrowing experience of her son biting off part of her nipple. I was left bewildered—how could she continue nursing after that? Her commitment made me question my own feelings toward breastfeeding. While I was nursing, I often felt tethered to my baby, wishing for a little more freedom.
The underlying theme in all these stories is the pervasive sense of inadequacy and guilt many mothers experience. In CBT, we refer to this as “should”-ing—bombarding ourselves with thoughts of how we should be doing things differently, which only leads to feelings of shame.
Moms are often consumed by “shoulds” regarding breastfeeding, regardless of their choices. Reflecting on my experience, I realized that comparing myself to that determined mom wasn’t fair. Our values and circumstances were distinct. Yes, breastfeeding is recommended by numerous health authorities, but do they know your unique situation? Would they push a nursing agenda for someone battling postpartum depression who needs medication to care for her child?
It’s crucial to remember that your breastfeeding journey is your own. Don’t let others dictate how you should approach it. Trust in your ability to make the right decision for both you and your baby. If you want to dive deeper into parenting topics, check out this insightful post on intracervicalinsemination.com or learn more about what Make A Mom offers. Plus, for those considering various fertility options, UCSF’s guide on IVF is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, every mom’s experience with breastfeeding is unique. The pressure to conform to certain expectations can be overwhelming, but it’s essential to embrace your individual journey, free from judgment.