I Wish I Could Erase All the Sadness, But I Just Can’t

home insemination Kit

By: Jamie Thompson

Every night when the lights go out, my son starts to share his thoughts with me. The same kid who rolls his eyes, plays video games, and acts like a typical tween suddenly reveals his deepest fears and worries. It’s a moment I cherish, even if it’s bittersweet.

He’s so much like me: feeling everything intensely, absorbing the world around him. And while I find him utterly amazing, I also see the weight of his worries. When he expresses anxiety about his math test or dreams of landing a solo in the school concert, I know he’s not just throwing around words — he genuinely feels those worries deep down.

He often tells me how much he doesn’t want to grow up, wishing he could remain 9 years and 9 months forever. I understand that ache because I feel it too as I watch him grow. The desire to shield him from every disappointment and heartache is overwhelming.

I wish I could grant all his wishes. I’d love to keep him at this age forever, the age he enjoys so much. Sadly, I can’t do that. I remind him nightly that I can’t control everything in his life, and sometimes, he won’t get what he wants. I joke about wishing I had a time machine, but deep down, I know that’s not possible.

As parents, we don’t have the power to alter the passage of time or prevent life’s inevitable hardships. We want to protect our kids from pain, whether it’s a tummy ache or the sting of unkind words. When they face difficulties, our instincts scream to fight their battles for them, but often we can’t. We try our best to shield them from bullies, but we can’t be there for every situation.

It’s a painful part of parenting — watching them grow and knowing they will face challenges without us. In their infancy, we are their entire world, and the worst pains are merely gas bubbles or teething troubles. But as they grow, we realize we have less control over their emotional struggles and the myriad of things that can go wrong in life.

To be honest, the feeling of helplessness is one of the toughest aspects of raising children. Watching them venture into the world feels like a piece of my heart is walking outside my body. Nobody warned me how challenging this part of parenting would be. Sometimes, I fantasize about whisking my kids away to a deserted island where we could live free from life’s harshness.

Yet, I recognize that it wouldn’t solve anything. I want my kids to be untouched by heartache, malice, or disappointment. However, I’m coming to terms with the fact that my role isn’t to erase all their sadness but to help them navigate it. I need to equip them with the skills to cope with their emotions, to embrace them, process them, and eventually let them go.

This requires me to be courageous and resilient. I must work on understanding my own feelings and accept that some things are simply beyond my control. It’s essential that I teach my kids the same.

With my older son, it’s particularly challenging. He mirrors my sensitivity, and I can’t help but absorb his emotions. When we lay together in the dark, he shares thoughts he wouldn’t share with anyone else. I wonder if I let my feelings about his struggles influence my ability to help him, but as a mom, his heartache feels like my own.

So, I will continue to hold space for him, allowing him to express himself while reassuring him that everything will be okay. Still, I can’t help but wish for ways to make life a little less challenging.

And if anyone happens to have a time machine lying around, I’m all ears!

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Summary:

Parenting involves navigating the bittersweet reality of our children’s emotional struggles. While we can’t shield them from every disappointment, we can teach them how to manage their feelings and cope with life’s challenges. Accepting our limitations as parents can be tough, especially when we deeply empathize with our children’s heartaches. Ultimately, the goal is to support them in finding resilience amid life’s inevitable ups and downs.