Even the Most Blissful Marriages Can Feel Weighty at Times

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My partner and I were basking in the last days of our honeymoon, sharing a kiss in the parking lot outside a quaint French bakery in Quebec City. We chose Canada to soak in the beautiful autumn instead of heading somewhere warmer. Being there with him felt just as I had imagined — absolutely perfect. We were filled with excitement for our future, our dreams aligning effortlessly. I was still riding high from becoming Mrs. Thompson, and I gleefully referred to him as “my husband” whenever I could. My husband.

A woman strolled past us, observing how we clung to each other, reveling in the novelty of it all. Her silver hair was elegantly styled into a knot, and her red lipstick was striking. She wore a pair of jeans better than anyone I’d ever seen. Accompanied by a man whose hand she held, she caught my eye and smiled, not looking away. He was busy chatting with her, but her attention was solely on me. I felt a surge of warmth, yet I was compelled to look down first, trying to refocus on my husband. But the feeling of her gaze lingered, almost tangible.

The following morning, I rose early, leaving my slumbering husband to surprise him with pastries from the bakery. To my surprise, the same woman was seated outside, alone. Her hair and lipstick remained unchanged, but she now wore bifocals and was busy writing a letter. She paused, her eyes meeting mine, and greeted me with a gentle smile. It lacked the intensity of her previous smile but was warm in its own right. “You’re the one I spotted last night, kissing right over here,” she said, her tone inviting.

“Yes, I’m on my honeymoon.”

“Ah, oui, the honeymoon. Please, sit,” she said, gesturing to the chair next to her. “I’ve been married for 32 years. There’s only one honeymoon. Once it’s over and you start digging into life, that’s when you discover what your relationship is made of.”

Of course, I had heard this before. Friends who had been married a few years shared their struggles. But I wasn’t worried. I thought we were different; we had a plan. “Our marriage will never feel heavy,” I insisted.

“Oh, but it will,” she replied, her voice steady.

I didn’t want to hear that. I yearned to return to bed with crepes and my husband, who had just pledged his everlasting love. I could have walked away, but for some reason, I chose to stay and listen.

Years later, I’ve come to truly appreciate her insights. There will be days when you won’t feel like talking to him, when he’ll do something so trivial that it sparks unnecessary anger — not because of his action, but because it’s a recurring issue. You’ll annoy each other, too. There will be times when you don’t bring your A-game, when the person you married seems like a stranger, and you’ll have to work hard to keep the peace. You’ll argue about parenting styles, finances, intimacy, and the infamous garbage dispute.

There will be moments when you’re aware that your actions are harming your relationship, yet you’ll proceed anyway. You’ll learn how to inflict real emotional wounds on one another. After exhausting days, you’ll hope he walks in ready to shoulder the burden, but sometimes he won’t, and that’s not fair to him. He’ll feel the tension as soon as he steps through the door, and he might want to retreat.

Both of you will reminisce about the good old days, and discussing it might feel like climbing a mountain. Your marriage will have its highs and lows, and during the lows, you may question if this is what it’s meant to be. You might even wonder if it’s the end.

But if you persevere, like my partner and I have, and learn how to carry the weight together — and still genuinely like each other after all the struggles — then that’s what a marriage truly is.

I can’t recall every word that wise woman shared with me that day outside the bakery, but I’ll always remember her presence. I initially dismissed her wisdom, yet something in her or maybe within me compelled me to listen. Her words have resonated with me through the years. I think about her often in my marriage and believe there was a purpose behind our meeting.

Even though I am no marriage expert, I have been in one for 14 years. My partner and I have learned that when marriage feels heavy, sometimes it’s possible to share the burden and let love do the heavy lifting. Sometimes, though, it just can’t. Even the happiest marriages experience weighty moments, and like everything in life, we’re all just trying to navigate our relationships the best way we can.

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Summary:

Marriage can be a beautiful journey, filled with joy and excitement, but it also comes with its challenges. As we navigate through the peaks and valleys, it’s essential to recognize that even the happiest couples face tough times. Understanding and addressing these pressures, while also learning to support each other, is crucial for a lasting relationship.