To My Expecting Friend: A Note from a Mama Who Knows Loss

home insemination Kit

Dear Friend,

I just heard the wonderful news about your pregnancy. Welcome to the wild ride of motherhood! Buckle up for nine months of joy, fatigue, and a whole lot of anticipation as you prepare to meet your little one.

There are a few things I want to share with you upfront, as I don’t want my words or actions to unintentionally hurt you during this journey. First and foremost, I adore you and the little miracle growing inside you. My greatest wish is for your baby to enter this world happy and healthy, and for you to soak up every beautiful moment of your pregnancy.

As you may know, I was pregnant not too long ago, and my story didn’t end the way I had dreamed. I realize I may be a reminder of the unthinkable—a living testament that even with modern medicine and the best prenatal care, not every pregnancy concludes with a joyful birth. I’m aware that I might seem like a cautionary tale, and I truly don’t want to be the source of anxiety for you.

If I mention my own experiences during our time together, it’s not to cast a shadow over your joy. It’s because I have a beautiful daughter whose name I long to celebrate, even if she only graced us with her presence for two days. Often, people prefer to avoid discussing her, which makes it hard for me to share her memory.

When I share advice about monitoring your baby’s movements or the importance of kick counting, it comes from a place of deep understanding. I’ve seen how quickly a seemingly healthy pregnancy can take a turn for the worse, and my hope is to spare you from the pain I’ve endured.

I promise I’m not dismissing your excitement when you talk about your birth plan. I had one too, but it changed drastically when the stakes were high in my own experience. While I understand your desire for a natural birth, I would have traded anything just to bring my baby home.

You deserve every ounce of love and joy from your family and friends right now. I want you to know, it’s not that I’m withholding happiness from you; it’s that I’m struggling to find any left to give. Asking me to mask my feelings would be as unfair as expecting you to hold back your joy when you first hold your baby. I truly hope that one day, the sight of pregnant women and newborns will fill my heart again, but for now, they are reminders of what I’ve lost.

I’m committed to being a supportive friend during your pregnancy. If something I say or do hurts you, please let me know. Just as I need to care for myself, I hope you understand that I remain a mother even without living children. I want to hear all about your little one, but I also wish to share my daughter’s story with you. She may not be here physically, but she is just as real and significant as the little one you’ll soon welcome.

With all my love,

Your Friend and Fellow Mama

P.S. If you’re curious about home insemination options, check out this at-home insemination kit for additional information. And for further resources on fertility, visit Johns Hopkins.