You’ve seen her before. You’ve crossed paths with her at the grocery store, the park, the library, or perhaps even at a family-friendly restaurant trying to enjoy a meal. She’s the mom usually with more than one small child in tow, sporting a messy bun and a makeup-free face. Her outfit? Probably smeared with some mysterious substance, and if she manages to match her clothes, it’s a small victory. While many moms might fit this description, what truly sets ‘that’ mom apart is the cacophony of shrieking children around her.
She’s acutely aware of your gaze. The judgment radiates from your eyes, and she can feel the weight of your silent critiques as she struggles to calm her child. Despite the overwhelming noise, she hears your whispered comments and feels her cheeks flush with embarrassment. If you see tears brimming in her eyes, they’re very much real.
She’s fighting to keep her cool. When a well-meaning elderly couple approaches to offer comfort—only to escalate the situation—she musters a strained smile, appreciating their intent but feeling utterly overwhelmed. As they share platitudes like “it gets better” or “I’ve been there,” she can only respond with automatic niceties, her mind racing with a million thoughts, primarily focused on escaping the chaos. Grocery cart full? Dinner plans abandoned? Those are the least of her worries.
Watching your serene, well-behaved kids, she can’t help but feel a twinge of envy. You, the quintessential PTA mom, baking homemade treats and flawlessly balancing it all, seem like an impossible ideal. She wishes for just a moment of peace, for things to be as simple as they appear in your world.
Years back, my partner and I were at the mall when a piercing scream shattered the air. The little girl’s mother, desperate and calm, tried to soothe her, but her efforts only amplified the chaos. Enter a trio of teenagers, one of whom loudly complained about the “annoying” child, sparking an embarrassing confrontation. As we stifled our laughter at the teen’s sheepish retreat, we realized we had once echoed similar sentiments about parenting. “Poor parenting,” we thought. “Our kids would never act like that.”
Fast forward to today—I am that mom. I’m the one you stare at while my child is in full meltdown mode. I dread outings, knowing the likelihood of a scene is high. After those challenging grocery trips, I often find myself sitting in my car, head in my hands, battling tears and trying to regroup. I now live the reality I once judged too harshly.
So here’s my request: Before you label her as a bad parent, before you judge her children or her, pause for a moment. Consider the possibilities. Maybe her child is simply tired, hungry, or dealing with something beyond what you can see. It’s not always about a lack of discipline.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I’m not alone. One of my children has autism spectrum disorder and sensory processing issues. When you see a child melting down in the checkout line, it might be triggered by something as innocuous as a cart that won’t move. While you might assume I’m a negligent parent, I’m actually trying to help my child navigate a world that can feel overwhelmingly chaotic. And let’s be real—every child has their breaking point. Meltdowns aren’t exclusive to any particular diagnosis.
Next time you encounter that mom, cut her some slack. Don’t jump to conclusions. Remember, we all have tough days, and some of us just have them more frequently than others. When you see me grappling with a challenging moment, understand that I’m doing my absolute best. And if you think you could do better, feel free to walk a mile in my shoes—I guarantee you’ll get a whole new perspective.
For more insights into navigating parenthood, check out this post on home insemination kits for an enlightening read. And for comprehensive information on the subject of fertility, refer to Science Daily’s excellent resource.
In summary, being ‘that’ mom is not a reflection of poor parenting but rather a complex interplay of circumstances that others may not understand. Empathy and patience can go a long way.