My Friendships Can Wait: Right Now, Being a Mom Is All I Need

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I find myself longing for the camaraderie of friends, but it turns out, not as much as I once thought. Sure, I still have friends, but they’re not quite the same as before. With two little ones under 6, our interactions are mostly through texts. Phone calls? Rare. And actual face-to-face time? Even rarer.

When I welcomed my second daughter into the world, I imagined playdates and fun outings, thinking life would mirror my experience as a mom of one. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. My new baby was a challenge to breastfeed in any lively setting, so dining out became a no-go. Friends who once invited us over seemed to drop off the radar. I was determined to maintain some semblance of normalcy for my oldest, but juggling two kids was a whole new level of tough—at least initially.

However, something shifted along the way. Gradually, without me even realizing it, I began to take my kids out for lunch and grocery shopping. We ventured beyond our living room, and it actually went pretty well! I’ve learned to save the big chores for the weekends when Dad can join us. Grocery runs and apple picking have become our Saturday adventures instead of “Mommy and Me” outings during the week.

In an unexpected twist, my daughters have become pals. Just the other day, they were sitting together, knees touching, forming a heart shape with their bodies, whispering secrets about a TV show while my husband and I secretly watched from the kitchen. Despite their age difference, they play together so well that my toddler has had meltdowns about missing her big sister at school.

Somewhere along this winding path of motherhood, I’ve found that having two kids has, astonishingly, become easier than having one. I can shower—okay, it’s still a rush job, but I no longer fear phantom cries from the other room. Now, if one kid is in trouble, the other runs to inform me with an “uh oh.”

As I navigate the joys and chaos of raising my two girls, I’ve come to cherish those early years with just my oldest. They feel like warm, fuzzy memories I need to protect. I know these “Mom of Little Kids” days are finite, and despite the challenges, they are some of the best times of my life—perhaps they always will be.

Recently, I told a stranger at a restaurant, while wrangling my two kids, that if I had known the joy of sibling relationships, I might have been braver about having a second child sooner. However, I wouldn’t change a thing. I cherish the unique moments I had with my oldest and appreciate the time I get with my youngest before she heads off to school.

Yet, while my daughters are delightful company, they’re not my friends. I love their company, but I still crave adult friendships. My time is stretched thin, but I do carve out moments for self-care—whether it’s sneaking in a workout, diving into a good book, or jotting down my thoughts. The reality is that I only have a handful of years with my little ones under my roof, and I want to savor every second.

In what feels like no time at all, my husband and I will be free of diapers and early wake-ups. Our lives will shift into a new normal—one without tiny people around. I don’t want to rush this phase, even on tough days. I don’t want to cut short my daughter’s requests for a puzzle just to chat with a friend I miss dearly, knowing it’ll be easier to connect in a few years. For now, texting will have to do.

I’m here, living in the moment with my kids, fully aware that these years are limited. My oldest has already started calling me “Mom” instead of “Mommy,” and it feels like I caught her at something: she’s growing up.

I do miss my girlfriends. With my sister’s wedding approaching, I’m scrambling to plan a bachelorette party around kids’ bedtimes and their 5 a.m. wake-up calls. I miss those long talks with friends across the country and making plans to see movies my husband wouldn’t be caught dead watching with me. I do miss it, but somehow, not as much as I expected.

Because somewhere along the way, my role as a mother has transformed from just a part of who I am into a fulfilling experience that’s enough for me—at least for now.

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