I Have No Clue What Shiplap Is and Other Reasons I Struggle with Home Decor

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Let’s get straight to the point: I’m terrible at decorating. There, I said it. My home is cozy enough—definitely not a mansion, but not a shoebox either. Yet, it bears no resemblance to those stunning HGTV makeovers, unless you count the “before” segments of shows like Fixer Upper.

Picture this: the frames on our family room wall are eternally askew. My son has creatively covered a family portrait with a cutout of Cubs player Kris Bryant from a magazine. The centerpiece on our dining room table? A collection of seashells from my half-hearted attempt at seasonal decor—despite it being mid-October and prime decorative gourd season.

And when guests enter our family room, the first thing they often ask is, “Why is there a donkey on your wall?” Yes, a donkey (the animal kind, not the human kind) is taped up there alongside a collage of portraits.

So yeah, I’m not winning any decorating awards. And honestly? I don’t care that much. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I care a little. I wish I could channel my inner designer and make my living space look fabulous, like Joanna Gaines, but I also wish I had Jessica Biel’s physique and Jillian Michaels’ abs. Unfortunately, those dreams aren’t coming true. Why? Because I have kids and pets, and my mantra is basically “this is why we can’t have nice things.”

Plus, I’m a bit lazy. I don’t have the stamina to hunt for matching throw pillows or research if shiplap would be a good fit for our home. What even is shiplap, anyway? Apparently, it’s all the rage, but I’m clueless.

Even if I had the time and energy to decorate like a pro, I’d rather not spend my days reminding my kids to keep their feet off a pristine couch or to not dump Legos into my decorative gourd bowl. It’s challenging enough to remind them to brush their teeth and toss their dirty clothes into the laundry chute right outside their bedroom door.

I simply don’t care about whether my guest bathroom towels stay pristine. For starters, I don’t have a guest bathroom! I’m stuck sharing a bathroom with three guys. I’d be thrilled just to have a toilet seat that stays down and a toilet paper roll that gets changed.

Also, I’m not a fan of HGTV. I know, shocking! But it’s a constant reminder of all the ways I fall short in the decorating department—and in adulting, too. I’ll flip on the channel, feeling okay about my humble abode and simple life. But within five minutes, I start regretting every life choice and feel the urge to rush to Home Depot for some DIY projects—fire pits, bar carts, and shabby chic nightstands, anyone?

I’m not dissing HGTV or anyone who enjoys it. If wandering the aisles of Lowe’s on a Saturday night or binge-watching Property Brothers is your jam, more power to you! But as much as I might envy your spacious entryway or trendy accent wall, I just can’t muster the effort. I’m a minimalist at heart and get overwhelmed by too many choices. Every time I spruce up one area, the rest of the house screams for attention (and not in a chic way). Where does it all end? In a whirlwind of caulk and outdated shiplap, that’s where.

So, there you have it. I’m not good at decorating, and honestly, I care less and less as time passes. My home looks less like a West Elm catalog and more like a chaotic toy store—think more cheap plastic from Toys“R”Us than Pottery Barn chic. My bedroom furniture is older than my 12-year marriage, and I can’t tell the difference between ecru and alabaster.

And let’s be real; I still have no idea what shiplap is.

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In summary, I’m not cut out for home decorating, and the older I get, the less it bothers me. My house may not be Instagram-ready, but it’s comfortable and filled with love (and a lot of toys).