We Never Intended to Attachment Parent, But I’m Grateful We Did

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When it comes to parenting styles, attachment parenting might not have been on our radar initially. This approach often includes co-sleeping, responding swiftly to a baby’s cries, feeding on demand, and employing gentle discipline. If that sounds like a foreign concept to you, no worries—this isn’t a critique of traditional parenting methods. Each style has its perks that I might not be familiar with.

However, I can share a bit about our journey into attachment parenting. My partner and I didn’t set out to be attachment parents; it just sort of unfolded as we navigated parenthood with our first child. When our son came along, we found that he slept better in our bed, and consequently, so did we. We embraced co-sleeping naturally. I’ve never been one for rigid schedules, so nursing on demand felt like a no-brainer. This, of course, made stepping away from Baby No. 1 for any amount of time a daunting task, so we simply didn’t.

And those bulky baby carriers? They were a nightmare for my back. Before long, I was carrying our little one in my arms or a baby sling. Just like that, we were all-in on attachment parenting.

While this approach felt right for us, I still had my moments of doubt. I often questioned whether we were making our child too dependent. For instance, when our eldest hit four, he suddenly developed separation anxiety—was it our fault? And then Baby No. 2, at five, was still sneaking into our bed at night. Was that normal? Baby No. 3 wanted to be carried everywhere for the first year and a half of her life. Was that okay? As for Baby No. 4, he was a bit slower to talk—did we spoil him by catering to his every whim?

Looking back, I wish I had known then what I understand now: all my kids turned out just fine—actually, they’re pretty great! Only one has flown the nest, and Baby No. 4 is still in his preteens. So far, so good! I genuinely like who they are becoming, and while I don’t credit all their wonderful qualities solely to attachment parenting, I firmly believe that showering them with love has had a deeply positive impact.

Here’s what I’ve noticed about the long-term benefits of attachment parenting:

1. Kindness: My kids are not perfect, but they strive to be kind to everyone—from family to peers. They’ve grown up in an environment where gentle responses were the norm, leading to a natural inclination to treat others with kindness.
2. Independence: Contrary to the criticism that attachment parenting fosters dependency, my tweens and teens are confident and capable. The security they gained in their early years made them feel safe enough to explore their independence.
3. Affectionate: It’s been a while since we’ve had tiny feet padding into our room at night, but my kids are still big snugglers. Even my 12-year-old enjoys curling up for movie nights, and my teenage daughters share laughs and cuddles over their favorite shows.
4. Healthy Attachment: We’ve cultivated a friendship with our kids without blurring the lines of authority. Enjoying each other’s company has fostered strong bonds that carry us through the tumultuous teenage years.
5. Sibling Bonds: Sure, my kids bicker like any siblings, but the love and camaraderie they share runs deep, rooted in the strong family connections we’ve built.
6. Happiness: All the attachment kids I know are genuinely happy. They experienced their early years wrapped in love and affection from us, their parents, fulfilling their emotional needs in a way that’s akin to feeding a hungry child.

While attachment parenting isn’t the only route to raising kids, it worked for us. I’m far from perfect, but I appreciate who my kids are at their core. When I was a new mom unsure of myself, it was the insights from other mothers that calmed my worries—those who shared what worked for them. If attachment parenting resonates with you, relax and relish the experience. Yes, it can be demanding, but time flies, and these moments are invaluable.

For more insights on family dynamics and support, check out our other post here. Also, for those navigating the journey of parenthood, this is a great resource. Lastly, if you’re looking for more information about fertility and parenting, this offers excellent advice.

In summary, attachment parenting worked wonders for our family, nurturing kindness, independence, and emotional well-being in our children. While no parenting style is flawless, the love and attention we provided yielded delightful results.