To Avoid Becoming the Halloween Pariah of Your Neighborhood, Steer Clear of These 13 Treats

At my house, we’re such huge Halloween enthusiasts that we could easily be the live-action versions of a sitcom couple—think lovable, slightly quirky people who go all out every October for the sake of fun and a little neighborhood fame. This makes us seasoned pros when it comes to Halloween festivities, so I felt it was my duty to warn fellow adults about the pitfalls of handing out less-than-stellar treats to trick-or-treaters.

Not every home can be the one that gives away king-sized candy bars—we certainly aren’t—but every family can avoid becoming the laughingstock of the neighborhood by steering clear of these truly horrendous Halloween handouts that are like a bad hair day for your candy bowl.

1. Cow Tales

These things look like a sad, twisted turd dusted with powder and taste only slightly better than a sweaty sock.

2. Butterscotch

Oh, butterscotch candy, you’re the treat equivalent of a senior citizen’s bingo night. If Grandma were trick-or-treating, you might be the highlight of her evening.

3. Fruit Snacks

This is Halloween, not a lunchbox. Give the kids something special for once! Organic versions don’t get you brownie points either. Nothing says “I dislike kids” more than handing out organic candy.

4. Good and Plenty

These resemble Pepto-Bismol in chiclet form. If it looks like medicine, it should stay on the pharmacy shelf.

5. Jujubes

Just one word: gross.

6. Fast-Food Coupons

Sending kids away with homework? Seriously? Get it together and hand out a real treat!

7. Necco Wafers

Who wants to munch on chalky bits? No one is looking for glorified Tums in their Halloween haul.

8. Peanut Butter Kisses

Would you eat one? Plus, these could be a potential allergy hazard. Halloween is about fun, not a trip to the ER.

9. Pennies

Why make kids pay for their candy? You’d be better off tossing pennies at those handing out butterscotch!

10. Raisins

It’s one night a year—let the kids indulge a little!

11. Toothbrushes

Seriously? Just stop.

12. Tootsie Pops

What did you buy—like 200 for a buck? Invest in some quality chocolate, will you?

13. Whoppers

Sand belongs on the beach, not in a chocolate coating.

Maya Angelou once said, when you “know better, you do better.” While she may not have been thinking about Halloween treats, the sentiment still rings true. You want to be that awesome house on the block, right? So, step up your game. Now that you know better, go forth and make this Halloween memorable for the little ones. Happy haunting!

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Summary: This article humorously lists the top 13 Halloween treats to avoid giving out, emphasizing the importance of choosing quality candy to prevent embarrassment in your neighborhood. With a mix of wit and practicality, it serves as a guide for parents looking to make Halloween enjoyable for their trick-or-treaters.