An Apology from an Anxious Mom to Her Kids

It’s 4 p.m., and I’m running on fumes. Last night was a sleepless one, spent caring for my feverish, coughing toddler. On the stove, I’ve got a few dishes bubbling away, and I’m frantically trying to avoid overcooking the broccoli—because, let’s face it, my older son won’t touch it if I do. Meanwhile, my little guy is taking what feels like an eternity on the potty, and I mentally prepare myself for the impending clean-up, all while desperately keeping an eye on dinner.

As if that’s not enough, my phone buzzes with work emails, and my mom is texting me about weekend plans. Just then, my older son approaches, excitedly rambling about the latest video game that’s captured his imagination. And of course, my younger son’s coughing from the bathroom makes me question if this cold is something more serious. Should I call the doctor? My breath hitches; my heart races, and just like that, anxiety has made itself cozy in my mind.

The Weight of Anxiety

For those of us who deal with anxiety, moments like these can tip us over the edge. Stress is a universal experience, but anxious minds operate differently. We feel everything more deeply; the stress is always simmering just beneath the surface. So, when life gets chaotic—like it does so often in parenting—we can feel ourselves start to crack.

Yet, as parents, we push through. Parenting is inherently stressful, full of surprises, and at times, downright terrifying. When anxiety strikes, especially while juggling kids, it’s not like there’s a moment to meditate or breathe deeply.

Managing Anxiety as a Parent

I’m fortunate that I don’t experience full-blown panic attacks around my kids very often. However, as someone living with anxiety, I have had my fair share of challenging moments while parenting. I try my utmost to shield my children from my internal struggles, but if I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed, I’ve been known to say, “Mommy needs a moment,” as I attempt to regain my composure.

Even on days when I’m not in full crisis mode, my mind often drifts to worries or plans that need addressing. I can’t help but wonder how my kids perceive this. When I’m in the kitchen, feeling like the walls are closing in, does my older son notice that I’m not fully present? Does he feel like “Mommy is too busy to listen,” or does he sense that I’m spiraling, caught in a whirlwind of anxiety?

Worries About the Future

Sometimes I see glimpses of anxious behavior in my kids, but it’s hard to tell if it’s just typical childhood worry or if they’ve inherited my anxious tendencies. I frequently find myself worrying (classic anxiety behavior) about how to shield them from developing anxiety themselves, and if there’s anything I can actually do about it.

In my mind, I’m constantly apologizing to my kids for my anxious nature and how it might affect them. I often verbalize it, too. “Sorry, I can’t focus on your video game talk right now,” I tell my older son. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s like my brain is a computer with too many tabs open!” He nods, slightly amused, but I can’t help but wonder if he truly understands. Will he remember me as a distracted parent, lost in my own thoughts?

Finding Balance

As anxious parents, we can be our own harshest critics. We want nothing more than for our kids to feel safe and secure. I don’t have all the answers—I’m doing my best to prioritize self-care, attend therapy, and exercise. These are my go-to strategies for keeping anxiety manageable.

Still, when my anxiety seeps into family life, I can’t help but feel guilt. I wish things were different. I’m learning to accept that this is part of who I am, and that my deep concern for my kids is a sign of a loving parent. I just hope my kids see it that way—or at least find it in their hearts to forgive me for my shortcomings.

Resources for Support

If you’re navigating similar waters, consider checking out this post on intracervical insemination for more insights. And for those interested in home insemination, Make A Mom is a great resource. You might also find this excellent guide on the IVF process helpful in your journey.

Conclusion

In summary, being an anxious parent can be overwhelming, but it’s also a part of who I am. I strive to be present for my kids while managing my anxiety, and I hope they understand my struggles.