8 Household Chores I Simply Refuse to Do — Who Has the Time?

Twice a year, my grandmother would tackle the windows, taking each pane out of the frame and giving it a thorough scrub with blue Windex and newspaper. It was a ritual that she often complained about, but somehow it brought her immense satisfaction.

My grandmother would be turning in her grave right now, as I’ve lived in this house for seven years and have never once washed the windows. Sure, I’ve wiped a few spots here and there, but they’ve never experienced the magic of a Windex bottle. We gaze through our grimy windows, and honestly, we don’t mind. After all, who has the time for window washing when a housekeeper is an unaffordable luxury? And the windows are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the chores I dodge. I know I’m not alone in this; let’s be real, some chores are just not happening.

1. Wiping Down the Walls

My grandmother used to scrub the walls like it was an Olympic sport. She’d ball up rags and mist the paint before going to town. I can’t help but think this is just a scheme to keep women busy. I only clean mine when my toddler decides to go full Picasso with crayons or markers. Spoiler: It doesn’t come off easily, which is why my hallway resembles a modern art exhibit gone wrong.

2. Scrubbing Baseboards

Baseboards? Oh right, those wooden things at the bottom of the wall. Apparently, I’m supposed to clean them because they get scuffed or dirty. Frankly, I can barely remember they exist, let alone scrub them down. Plus, cleaning them means moving furniture, and that’s a commitment I’m just not willing to make. Who knows what’s hiding under there?

3. Cleaning Under the Couch

There’s an abyss beneath my couch—dust bunnies, lost toys, and half-empty juice boxes. It’s a treasure trove for my kid, who sees every crumpled item as a newfound gem. I have no desire to venture into that dark realm, nor do I want the abyss to stare back at me.

4. Washing Couch Pillows

Apparently, washing couch pillows is a thing. The only time I’d think to wash them is if the dog had an accident on them, which says a lot about my cleaning standards. Those poor pillows are lucky if they get fluffed occasionally; most of the time, they serve as my laptop stand or a makeshift nap zone while my kids run wild.

5. Sanitizing Kids’ Toys

Some parents have the time and energy to gather their kids’ toys and bleach them. I applaud that level of dedication! My kids’ toys seem to appear and disappear from another dimension, and I certainly don’t have the time to sanitize every dinosaur and action figure. I’ll stick to using bleach for laundry, thank you very much.

6. Organizing Closets

My closet is a time capsule of forgotten treasures, including clothes I haven’t worn in years. It’s filled with stuff dating back to the Nixon era (not that I was around then). Honestly, it’s mostly dog hair and toys we forgot existed. Sometimes the kids go on a quest in there, hoping to find Narnia. We just call it charming to avoid facing reality.

7. Cleaning the Washing Machine

You’re supposed to run a cycle to clean the machine that cleans your clothes? Sounds like a waste of water to me. I figure every wash cycle is cleaning my washer; it’s good enough for me.

8. Dusting the Top of the Refrigerator

Only the Almighty knows what’s living on top of my fridge. I keep some cereal boxes up there and let the dust take over. It’s a forgotten land of kitchen debris, and I’ll clean it only when we move or if the fridge dies.

Some may judge me as a terrible parent for living in this chaos, while others are probably looking at their own neglected baseboards in silent agreement. I’m just brave enough to admit it, and I’m pretty sure my grandmother is rolling her eyes from beyond.

I don’t do deep cleaning, and may the universe have mercy on my soul—and my house. Mostly on my house.

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Summary:

This humorous piece reveals the author’s aversion to household chores, detailing the various tasks she avoids, from washing windows to cleaning under the couch. The tone is light-hearted and relatable, as she embraces the messiness of life with kids and admits to skipping deep cleaning rituals, all while reflecting on her grandmother’s more traditional cleaning habits.