Trigger warning: contains description of the death of a child.
That day started off like any other, filled with the innocent curiosity of a toddler. My son, Ethan, was just shy of 2 years old. Little did I know, in a mere moment, our lives would be irrevocably altered, and his life would tragically end.
We had just begun moving boxes into my father’s house after my mother’s passing three months prior. I was in the kitchen for just a few minutes—no closed doors between me and Ethan, who was happily munching on raisins while engrossed in a Zoboomafoo episode. My husband was busy in the garage with my dad.
The French doors leading to the backyard opened right onto an inground pool. In a quiet moment that I least expected, Ethan managed to open a door I thought was secure. When I returned to the room, he was gone. I assumed he was playing hide and seek.
“Ethan! Where are you?” I called out, my voice lighthearted. I searched the house while my husband and father began looking outside. Then, I heard a scream followed by a splash. My husband jumped in the pool, my father dialed 911, and I froze in shock, still processing what was happening. “He’s in the pool! Oh my God! He’s in the pool!” my father yelled.
It never crossed my mind that living in a home with a pool required such heightened awareness. I had reassured my mother-in-law that Ethan would never be outside alone, despite her concerns—after all, she lived in Florida, where accidental drownings are tragically common. If only I had known the risks lurking in our own backyard in New Jersey.
I had underestimated Ethan that day. He was just like any other toddler—curious but cautious. That morning, I had even spoken to my father about how attached Ethan was to me. For any parent reading this who thinks, “That could never happen to me,” I was once in your shoes. I can’t confirm if that door was locked, but with more awareness of water safety, I would have ensured it was secured. Just like we keep toxic cleaners out of reach, we need to take pools, ponds, and even the charming brook behind our house seriously.
According to the CDC, drowning rates are highest among children aged 1 to 4, with residential swimming pools being the most common location. Aside from congenital conditions, drowning is the leading cause of death for this age group and the second leading cause of unintentional injury-related deaths for children aged 1 to 14, following motor vehicle accidents.
Had there been proper water safety education and fencing in place, Ethan’s life could have been saved. As the CDC indicates, a four-sided isolation fence can lower a child’s drowning risk by 83% compared to three-sided property-line fencing. This principle led to the creation of the town ordinance named after Ethan.
In the months following our loss, we grew closer to our community, and one year later, our synagogue’s cantor approached us with news. She had applied for a permit to build a pool in our town, only to learn that fencing laws had changed due to “that little boy that died.” We were overwhelmed with emotions. My husband contacted the town to gather more information and discovered the Child Fatality and Near Fatality Review Board, which examines how child accidents can be prevented.
Ethan’s case had been presented anonymously to the board, and we saw the haunting paperwork, his initials, E.H., scattered throughout the documents. We urged the committee person responsible for the ordinance to include Ethan’s name and photo, wanting to give a face to a regulation some might dismiss as inconvenient. Thus, Ethan’s Ordinance mandates that all new pool constructions must have a four-sided barrier with a locking gate. In a bittersweet way, it felt like Ethan was still with us.
Now, you might be thinking, “This could never happen to me. I watch my child closely. They can swim. We don’t even have a pool.” But I’ve met countless parents who, like me, have experienced near misses with their kids. Children slipping out unnoticed, running into traffic, or engaging in risky play. While the tragedy of losing a child is complex and difficult to articulate, I’ve been met with empathy and understanding from those who understand our loss.
So please, take water safety seriously. Educate yourselves and ensure that all doors leading to pools are secured. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking this could never happen to you. Lives have been saved because of Ethan’s story.
For more insights into family building and safety, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the loss of my son Ethan serves as a sobering reminder of the importance of water safety for all parents. We must stay vigilant in protecting our children from potential dangers, ensuring that tragedies like ours do not repeat.