What Your Children Should Observe in Your Marriage

I’ve been blissfully hitched for nearly two decades, but I wouldn’t dare call myself a relationship guru. Instead, I feel incredibly fortunate, thankful, and proud to be in a marriage that I hope my kids will admire and perhaps even aspire to replicate one day.

How have we made it work for so long? Well, it’s all about putting in the effort. We’ve learned that marriage requires ongoing care (think of it like that fabulous rose bush that flourishes with fragrant blossoms but demands daily maintenance). We treat our marriage as the most prized machine in existence. It’s a well-oiled contraption that sometimes needs a little tune-up (and occasionally, it goes on the fritz), but it’s never broken enough to warrant a replacement. What keeps our marriage running smoothly are those small, meaningful actions that I hope our children notice and remember for their future relationships.

1. Disagreements Are Natural, Even in Front of the Kids

We argue; we reconcile. It’s a cycle, and we don’t shy away from letting our kids witness it. There’s a way to debate with respect and intelligence, showing them that heated discussions don’t equate to a lack of love. Yes, sometimes we go to bed feeling a little grumpy (shock!), and the kids see that too. By demonstrating maturity, we teach them that it’s often better to “sleep on it” than to hash things out all night based on that old adage, “Never go to bed mad.” No marriage is free of conflict, and portraying an unrealistic image of perfection only sets them up for disappointment.

2. Discuss Finances Openly

Talk about expenses, savings, and the reasons behind your financial decisions right in front of them. Discuss why some things are affordable and others aren’t. Keeping financial matters a secret ensures your kids grow up without a clue about managing money, which is a skill they definitely need.

3. Engage in Political Conversations Together

Stay involved, educate yourselves, and challenge each other’s views. It’s easy to feel hopeless about current events, but disengaging in front of your kids is not the answer. Discussing important issues allows your children to see that you care about the world they will inherit.

4. Show Affection—A Lot of It

Express love daily and let your kids witness it. Marriage isn’t just about love; it’s about friendship, and physical intimacy plays a huge role in maintaining that connection. Trust me; they notice when you hold hands in the car, bump into each other while cooking, or share a hug before heading out. Plus, your kids will likely find your affectionate moments hilariously mortifying, giving you some well-deserved private time!

5. Do What You Love with Pride

Each of you should pursue what brings joy and fulfillment, without apologies. Embracing traditional roles has worked wonders for us; I stepped away from a full-time job because managing the household brings me joy—and let’s be real, I’m better at it than my husband would be. Whether it’s both partners working, trading roles, or any combination in between, knowing and respecting each other’s strengths fosters a happier marriage. This is one of the most valuable lessons you can impart to your children.

Your marriage is likely the first, and perhaps the only, model of true love your kids will ever witness. The takeaway? Love your partner fiercely and openly, free from contempt or regret. These powerful, positive memories will guide them as they embark on their own romantic journeys.

If you’re interested in exploring more about the journey of parenthood, check out this post, which dives deeper into related topics. For expert guidance on fertility, visit Make A Mom. You can also find excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination at News Medical.

Summary:

A strong marriage serves as a blueprint for your children’s future relationships. By openly addressing disagreements, finances, and political discussions, while also showing affection and pursuing personal joy, you model a healthy partnership. This influential example of love will guide them in their own romantic endeavors.