I’ve Discovered That ‘Nope’ Is All You Need, And Life Is Way Better Now

home insemination Kit

I’ll admit it: I’m a classic people-pleaser. Conflict? No thanks. Disappointment? Hard pass. I avoid tension like it’s the plague. I’m not one to stir the pot or ruffle feathers. (Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out what “ruffle feathers” means, but it sounds amusing.) I want everyone to like me! I’m excessively polite and just want to keep the peace, which, let’s be real, makes saying no downright impossible. And by “impossible,” I mean I dodge it like a hot potato.

What if I actually said no? Would people be angry? Would they judge me as lazy or weak? Would they think I’m a jerk? Would I end up on their bad side? The anxiety of potential backlash from saying no is more than I can handle, so I often just say yes—too much.

I find myself agreeing to things I don’t want to do, things I shouldn’t do, and things that have no real impact on my life. Before I know it, I’m overwhelmed, feeling like I’m drowning without control. I start snapping at my kids, and I lose it with my partner over trivial things like misplaced socks. Then I feel like I’m failing at everything because I couldn’t muster the strength to say no when someone asked for help at a bake sale or invited me to an MLM pitch disguised as a fun night out.

A few weeks ago, I had a bit of a revelation—or maybe more of a full-blown meltdown—when I realized I simply can’t do it all or please everyone. No matter how hard I try, not everyone will appreciate me. It was time to be more selective with my yeses and a lot more generous with my nopes.

Let’s be clear: I wasn’t exactly calm and collected about it. I was petrified that others would be upset, disappointed, or, heaven forbid, think less of me. I didn’t want to come off as rude.

But the weight of unnecessary commitments was suffocating, and I realized something had to change. So I decided to get a bit looser with my nopes.

Examples of My New Nopes

• Could I be the class mom for my child’s school? Nope.
• Could I attend your second cousin’s neighbor’s daughter’s wedding? Nope.
• Could I make it to your “moms’ night out/sales pitch”? Nope.
• Could I join the crowd at that big football game everyone from college was attending? Nope (even though I genuinely wanted to go).
• Could I whip up dinner? Nope. (Thai takeout? Absolutely yes!)

And you know what? Once I started saying no more often, nothing dramatic happened. The sky didn’t fall. People didn’t get mad at me (and if they did, they were really good at hiding it). I didn’t come off as a jerk because I’m not one. I just became more protective of my time and aware of my limits. I was still polite about it, using phrases like “no, thank you,” “probably not,” and “thanks, but no thanks.” Sometimes I offered a reason for my nope, and other times I didn’t. Because guess what? “Nope” is a complete sentence.

Taking back control of my life feels liberating, and it’s satisfying to reserve my yeses for what truly matters to me. Sure, it’s a challenge, and I sometimes feel a twinge of FOMO, but instead of trying to please everyone, I’m focusing my time and energy on those who respect, appreciate, and care about me.

And here’s the kicker: Even if I were a yes machine, not everyone would like me. I could throw around yeses like confetti and it wouldn’t change a thing. The truth is, I can’t make everyone happy all the time. I’m not a viral cat video, after all. So why should I tire myself out with endless yeses? Nope, not anymore.

Now, while I’m less of a people-pleaser and more of a no-nonsense person, I’m still kind and polite. This means my nopes sometimes come with a touch of “I’m sorry, but no thank you.”

In summary, learning to say no has transformed my life for the better. While it’s tough to break free from the habit of trying to please everyone, it’s essential for my own well-being. Focusing on the people and things that truly matter makes life far more enjoyable.