5 Harsh Realities of Potty Training

Some milestones in life are bound to leave a lasting impact. Starting a new job, tying the knot, welcoming a new baby, and embarking on the adventure of potty training your little one. The journey is filled with highs and lows, but make no mistake: the path to the potty is anything but smooth.

1. You’ll Think it’s a Walk in the Park

The term “potty training” sounds innocent and straightforward, doesn’t it? It’s easy to assume it’s just a few days of asking your toddler if they need to “go,” a couple of minutes waiting in the bathroom, and perhaps a pack of Pull-Ups for those lengthy nights or Kandoo Wipes to teach them about cleaning up. That might be the picture-perfect scenario in Fantasy Parent Land, where kids eat their veggies and hit the hay at 7 p.m. sharp. But in reality, potty training is a messy affair—literally.

2. You’ll Spend Just as Much as You Save

One of the most appealing aspects of potty training is the prospect of ditching those pesky diapers for good. In theory, 10 diapers a day multiplied by one kid minus the panic of running to a 24-hour store at 2 a.m. equals a relieved parent with a little extra cash. What will you do with that newfound fortune? A stylish wardrobe? A romantic getaway? A lavish spa day? Not quite. Instead, you’ll use that money to bribe your child to do their business in the toilet. What begins as one M&M could escalate to a set of Legos, a shiny tricycle, or even a trip to Disney World! Never underestimate your determination to motivate your child to use the potty.

3. Your Toddler Will Mistake Everything for a Toilet

What’s just like a toilet? Nothing! Try telling that to an almost-potty-trained 2-year-old. They might understand the idea of “going in the toilet,” but the “toilet only” concept? Not so much. To a toddler, acceptable substitutes for a toilet may include, but are not limited to: a suitcase, a measuring cup, your favorite shoes, your grandmother’s cherished crystal vase, Mommy’s bed (especially when the sheets are freshly changed), the dog’s water bowl, and that expensive silk plant in the corner.

4. You’ll Drive Yourself Crazy

It could be that you’re asking your child if they “need to go” every 3.5 minutes. Maybe it’s your new hobby of charting the cleanliness of every public restroom within a 5-mile radius. Or perhaps it’s the catchy “Pooping is fun; we wipe when we’re done” song you find yourself singing on repeat. At some point during this potty training journey, you’ll pause and wonder, “What on earth am I doing?” Hopefully, this moment of clarity comes before you upload your potty rap to social media.

5. You’ll Redefine “Potty Mouth”

During potty training, your conversations will be dominated by terms like “pee-pee” and “poo-poo.” You’ll find it nearly impossible to go a few hours without these words slipping out. For the sake of everyone around you, remember that nobody wants to hear how close little Timmy came to going “wee-wee” in the “flushie hole.” It’ll take the patience of a saint, the commitment of an Olympic athlete, and maybe a few strong cocktails, but the time will come when you can finally hand over the reins to your child and step down from your role as the “designated tush wiper.”

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In summary, potty training can be a messy, confusing, and sometimes downright ridiculous experience. From underestimating how easy it will be to realizing you’re spending more on bribes than diapers, the journey is filled with unexpected twists. But ultimately, it’s a rite of passage for both parents and toddlers alike.