Ah, November—the month when the gratitude hype kicks into high gear, and everyone from your favorite podcast host to the queen of daytime TV reminds us to count our blessings. And let’s be honest: who has more reasons to be thankful than us moms? We’ve got adorable kids whose laughter and hugs fill our lives with purpose. Many of us have fought tooth and nail to bring these little ones into our world, whether through grueling fertility treatments or navigating the complex adoption maze. So, shouldn’t we be overflowing with gratitude? Well, not so fast.
As a mom and a clinical psychologist focusing on motherhood-related stress, I’ve got a few thoughts on this gratitude trend. A recent, somewhat spicy New York Times piece argued that the gratitude culture can feel a bit self-serving, and I get it. But my concern about gratitude has a different angle. While studies show that gratitude can boost happiness and overall life satisfaction, I’ve seen something else happen too: the pressure to feel thankful can actually make moms feel worse about themselves and their circumstances.
Let’s Dive Into This
I’ve worked with countless moms who have a laundry list of reasons to be grateful yet still find themselves battling stress, anxiety, or even depression. During Thanksgiving, the societal push to feel grateful can be overwhelming and frustrating. These women recognize their blessings but still feel unhappy, leading them to wonder if they’re just terrible people for not being able to appreciate everything they have.
Then there are those moms who struggle to find anything to be thankful for. Sure, the gratitude industry has tips for that too—like being thankful for clean air, water, and a cozy home. But when someone is feeling isolated or down, those basics don’t provide much comfort.
In my experience, the insistence on gratitude can feel dismissive, like someone saying, “You’ve got food, clean water, and a loving family, so stop whining!” But we know that stress, anxiety, and depression don’t disappear just because you have a few comforts. High-profile tragedies, like the death of comedian Tom Harris, remind us that having everything doesn’t shield anyone from mental health battles.
Embracing Our Emotions
In cognitive-behavioral therapy, we emphasize the importance of accepting negative emotions and showing ourselves some compassion. So during this gratitude season, I want to remind moms that it’s perfectly fine to feel grateful and still experience sadness, or even not feel grateful at all, despite our many comforts. That’s a message I can get behind.
So yes, Oprah and the gratitude gurus can continue their cheerleading, but let’s add a footnote or two:
- It’s okay if you can’t come up with something to be grateful for.
- It’s okay to be thankful for some parts of your life and not others.
- It’s okay to have every reason to be grateful yet still feel blue.
Now, that’s a Thanksgiving sentiment I can support.
If you’re looking for more tips on navigating motherhood, check out our other blog posts, like this one on home insemination. You can also find invaluable resources on pregnancy and home insemination at the CDC. And for those considering at-home options, Make A Mom is a great authority on this topic.
In summary, the holiday season shouldn’t be a contest in gratitude. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, and you’re not alone in that struggle.