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If Toddlers Could Send ‘Texts’
This past weekend, I found myself at a soccer game, and as halftime rolled around, I noticed the crowd all glued to their phones (yep, I was one of them). People were probably messaging their partners about whether to swing by the store on the way home or updating friends who couldn’t make it about the nail-biter match. Maybe they were scrolling through social media. Who knows?
Amidst all this, I spotted a little girl in a pink swing coat and blue knit beanie, sitting quietly and observing everyone. It struck me that she was likely the only one there without a device in hand. The fascination in her eyes told me she wanted to join in on the fun of those gadgets. This got me thinking: what if toddlers could text? What would their conversations look like? I bet they’d be downright hilarious. I imagine a flurry of messages filled with topics like poop, pee, and strategies for how to be adorable little troublemakers.
Imagined Text Conversations
“Dude, I had two massive blowouts today. Mom had to toss one of my outfits because those peas I had last night went rogue. I was in my bouncy swing, and it was a total explosion. LMAO.”
“Mom dragged me through Target AGAIN. I screamed the whole time. She was so mad at me, but IDGAF. I’m sick of that stupid red cart. It’s been a rough day. I just need to chill with my Binky, ya feel me?”
“Mom is sipping that pretty pink drink in a fancy glass again. It makes her all happy and stuff. I keep reaching for it, but she just hands me my sippy cup instead. When do we get the fancy juice, huh?”
“Mom says on Facebook she makes all my food from scratch, and it’s organic! NFW, that stuff comes in a jar with a kid that looks just like me. So cray-cray.”
“Hey, if you throw stuff off your high chair, someone will keep picking it up for you. It also totally works in a shopping cart! I could do this all day.”
“FYI, if you bite down on the nipple while nursing, your mama will take away your milky-juice so fast it’ll make your head spin. Trust me: do not bite the nipple. She makes this weird face and starts crying, which is honestly terrifying.”
“Hey girl, I finally got my hands on some scissors and some alone time! You should see my bangs; they are on fleek.”
“Just a heads up, if you flush your favorite lovey down the toilet, it won’t come back, and you’ll get super wet. Don’t do it, dude.”
“Guess what? I totally peed on my own face during a diaper change today. It freaked me out and I cried, but honestly, what a riot! LOL.”
“Mom opened my diaper to check, and got poop on her finger again! WTF? Why does she keep doing this?”
“There’s no way I’m napping today. Nope. I got this new Paw Patrol book, and I can’t put it down! It’s the bomb.”
“Hey, today is playdate day! Can’t wait to CU in a bit. Mom got those new squeeze yogurts. We can smear them all over each other!”
“I was so rowdy last night, and now this morning mom is all mad and drinking black coffee. I’ll probably behave tonight, but let’s be real—nighttime is when I really come alive!”
“You haven’t known pain until you start cutting a tooth. This shit is real. Being a year old is hard. I can’t even deal.”
“Tommy came over yesterday. Ugh, I can’t stand him. He’s all potty trained and thinks he’s the king of the world. That’s all his mom talked about. She took our picture and posted it on Facebook, making it obvious I’m still in a huge diaper. Time to step up my potty training game.”
“Stuck in the car right now, and I can’t wait to get home and take these pants off. What’s the deal with clothes? I just wanna be free, ya know?”
“Sometimes I just want to kick back and chill with my buddy Caillou, but mom keeps changing the channel. Seriously, I miss that guy. He gets me.”
“Guess what? I figured out how to buy video games from the iPad! I’m a genius. Next time we’re at the park, I’ll give you all the deets.”
While it would be a riot to see what these tiny humans would text each other, it’s also refreshing to know they have a few years before they dive headfirst into tech addiction. As I sat there on the bleachers, that little girl caught my eye, and I realized I’d rather watch her than scroll through my phone. So, I tucked my phone away and handed her a leaf that had fallen near my foot. She tossed it aside and reached for my bag, but for a few moments, the way she gazed at that turning leaf was pure magic.
Further Reading
For more on parenting and family life, you might enjoy this article on home insemination techniques, or check out fertility boosters for more insights. Additionally, this resource on intrauterine insemination is excellent for anyone interested in pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
If toddlers could text, their conversations would be comical and filled with their unique perspectives on life, from diaper disasters to sibling rivalry. While it’s entertaining to imagine, it’s nice to know they still have time before they become tech-obsessed.