My kids are relentless when it comes to asking if we should add another member to our family. Spoiler alert: it’s not happening! Yet, their persistent inquiries, along with unsolicited opinions from others, can drive me up the wall.
What is it about parenting that seems to grant people a free pass to pry into matters that don’t concern them? Why do discussions about becoming a parent elicit such strong and often unwelcome opinions? And how can we finally put an end to the relentless questioning about family sizes?
While innocent questions like “Is this your only child?” or “How many kids do you have?” are perfectly fine, follow-up questions such as “Have you thought about adopting?” or “Don’t you believe in birth control?” can feel intrusive and downright rude.
Regardless of whether a family is large or small, the size of someone else’s family is really none of our business. Behind each family size decision lies a complex web of emotions and experiences. For instance, during my struggle to conceive my second child, every inquiry about expanding our family tightened my throat and made my heart ache. I wanted to scream, “You have no idea how desperately I want another baby! I’m terrified I might not be able to!” Instead, I managed a forced smile and said, “Yes, I hope so.”
Take my friend Sarah, for example. She has one child, and when she and her husband were contemplating a second, she was diagnosed with cancer. After grueling chemotherapy and a long stint on medication, the door to more children was abruptly closed. The comments she receives about family planning are like salt in an open wound.
These experiences are not isolated; unsolicited advice on family size seems to come from every direction. Strangers feel entitled to ask personal questions and share their opinions. The Internet is flooded with people pushing for larger families or criticizing those who choose to have fewer kids. Discussions about “ideal” family sizes pop up as if there’s a one-size-fits-all answer. What was once a friendly chat among close friends has morphed into judgmental scrutiny.
So, here’s a radical thought: Why don’t we just stop commenting on family size altogether? Let’s refrain from trying to convince childless couples that they need to procreate. Let’s avoid telling parents of only children that their kids are missing out. Let’s stop suggesting adoption or alternative remedies for fertility and assuming that parents of larger families need a lesson in birth control. Why not focus on our own choices instead of projecting our opinions onto others?
Families come in all shapes and sizes for countless reasons, and we can’t possibly know the intricacies behind someone else’s family planning. Who are we to judge such a deeply personal decision? Perhaps we’re just nosy or perhaps we lack confidence in our choices and seek validation through others. Regardless, if we shift our focus away from questioning others, we might just find peace with our own decisions.
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Summary
The article addresses the intrusive nature of comments and questions regarding family size, highlighting the emotional complexities behind such decisions. It encourages readers to refrain from unsolicited opinions and focus on their own choices, advocating for respect and understanding in family planning discussions.