I found myself in my daughter Mia’s room, trying to assist her with her homework. I say “trying,” because let’s be honest—it wasn’t going great. It rarely does. When Mia encounters a challenge, even a minor one, or has to wrestle with a math problem or decode a word, she becomes overwhelmed and shuts down.
On this particular day, we were tackling a math sheet that included basic concepts like number lines and rounding. Twice, she clenched her fists and pounded the worksheet, then retreated to the corner of her room, burying her head in her knees. “You’re making it harder!” she exclaimed when I attempted to explain something, or “I just can’t do it!” She calls the work “stupid” and “frustrating.” At the heart of it, she’s simply an anxious learner.
She’s always been this way. Homework sends her into a tizzy, and I can’t pinpoint exactly why. My older son, Jake, has his own issues, but they stem more from a casual attitude toward school. He procrastinates, he cuts corners, but he never storms off in frustration. He doesn’t yell at us when he faces a challenge or retreat to a corner.
Welcome to parenting, right? Even though both of my children are products of the same genes and look similar, they are completely different personalities. Each child presents unique hurdles, and right now, the biggest is Mia and her schoolwork.
We were grappling with a problem involving dimes and pennies. After coaxing her out of the corner, we grabbed some candy coins from the pantry for a hands-on lesson. Sweet treats can work wonders, no doubt about it.
The hardest part for me is remaining calm while she struggles. Every time she gets frustrated over a problem that seems basic to me, I want to scream. I wish she would just power through it and let me help her, but therein lies the challenge with an anxious learner. For Mia, asking for help feels like admitting defeat. She wants to conquer the material on her own, even when she can’t.
Sometimes, getting them out of that corner means reassuring them that it’s okay to seek help. You must convey your willingness to assist and your genuine care. Yet, this can be exhausting, especially after a long day of work or parenting when you just want to scream, “Can we please finish this so we can eat dinner and wind down?”
But I’ve learned that yelling and frustration only escalate the situation. A parent’s exasperation amplifies the child’s anxiety, leading them to withdraw even more. They huddle deeper into their knees, tears flowing, digging their heels in harder.
There’s plenty of discussion these days about the effectiveness of homework for elementary schoolers, but as the parent of an anxious child, I appreciate its existence. I recognize that she battles the same academic challenges at school as she does at home, and though it’s frustrating to help her with her homework, I feel like I’m equipping her with essential coping skills for classroom success.
I know how challenging it can be to guide Mia through her studies. While I believe her teachers are fantastic, I can’t help but feel that no one will invest as much effort as I do. Whatever strategies I discover to help her, I share with her teachers because, let’s face it, it takes a village to raise a child. Anything I can do to support her teachers benefits her learning.
I strive to keep things light and engaging. I encourage her, letting her know that despite the frustrations, I’m right there with her. I will support her, because that’s what fathers do—we love and care for our kids, even when they’re pounding their worksheets and venting their frustrations.
After nearly an hour, we finally completed the worksheet. It felt like it should have taken half that time, but we got through it. Then Mia, like she often does after finishing her homework, let out a huge sigh of relief, as if she had just crossed the finish line of a marathon. She hugged me and called me a great dad.
She typically hugs me after these sessions. Yes, I get frustrated along the way, and parenting can sometimes feel thankless, but that simple gesture from her—a warm embrace—makes it all worthwhile. And in parenting, that’s a remarkable feeling.
In case you’re interested in more parenting insights or tips on coping with anxiety in kids, check out our other blog posts on related topics here. Also, for those curious about fertility, Make a Mom offers some valuable resources. If you’re navigating pregnancy, WomensHealth.gov is an excellent resource.
Summary
Parenting an anxious learner can be challenging, as they often struggle with homework and may feel overwhelmed. It’s crucial to provide support, patience, and reassurance, helping them understand that asking for help is okay. The journey may be frustrating, but the small victories, like a hug at the end of a homework session, remind us that we’re on the right track.