As a parent of three sons born just two years apart, I’ve come to realize how easy it is for the middle child to slip through the cracks. My oldest, Oliver, is almost 7 and has really taken off with reading; everyone is thrilled to hear, “Oliver is reading Harry Potter!” He naturally commands most of the attention during our home-schooling sessions, tackling math, reading, science, and social studies like a champ.
Then there’s the baby, Leo, who seems to relish being the youngest. At nearly 3, he proudly announces his baby status, enjoys snuggling with us at night, and often finds himself being carried around by his brothers. He’s undeniably the center of our universe.
Now, let’s talk about my middle child, Charlie — my sweet, mischievous little guy. At 4, he’s not quite ready for reading, which means he often finds himself vying for attention. In the hustle and bustle of our daily routine, it’s all too easy for Charlie’s needs to get overshadowed by his older and younger siblings. It’s a common struggle among parents with three kids; the middle child often needs a bit more effort to feel loved and appreciated.
Here are some strategies that have worked for me in connecting with Charlie:
- Special Treats: Just like I indulge Leo, I have a go-to treat for Charlie — peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He’s practically obsessed with them, and I don’t mind making them whenever he asks. While the other boys might get fruit, Charlie always gets his sandwich fix.
- Frequent Touch: Physical affection is crucial. While Oliver snuggles up during reading time and Leo gets all the cuddles, Charlie doesn’t have a designated cuddle time. I make a conscious effort to hug him often, stroke his hair, and read stories together. It’s not that I love him any less; it’s just about being intentional in my actions.
- Involvement in Learning: I engage Charlie in activities similar to what Oliver is doing. While Oliver is deep into his studies, I set Charlie up with age-appropriate educational games like ABCMouse. I also ensure he has access to crayons, paper, and craft supplies so he can create his own masterpieces. This way, he feels included in the “school” experience.
- Babying Him Sometimes: There are moments when Charlie sees me fussing over Leo, and it sparks a desire for that same attention. I pick him up, wrap him on my back, and let him snuggle in bed with us when he’s having a rough night. He loves the attention and it gives him the cuddles he craves.
- Daily Rituals: Establishing a routine can also help. Charlie and I have a special tradition: he picks out my outfits every morning. It might seem trivial, but it gives him a sense of control and importance, making him feel valued.
When I prioritize these connections, I notice that Charlie is happier and more patient with his brothers. He tends to throw fewer tantrums and is less likely to seek attention through mischief. Middle children can sometimes feel overlooked, but with a little extra love and effort, they will make sure they’re not forgotten.
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Summary
Nurturing the middle child can be a challenge for parents, but with intentional actions such as special treats, physical affection, involvement in learning, and daily rituals, you can ensure they feel seen and loved.