Let’s get one thing straight: there are definitely mothers out there who never had any desire to breastfeed, and that’s totally their choice. Their personal reasons are valid, and it’s not my place to judge. A mother who chooses not to breastfeed is just as capable of being an amazing mom as one who does. No questions asked. But for many mothers, the intention to breastfeed is there, and unfortunately, a lot of them end up falling short of their goals.
A 2012 study published in Pediatrics found that 85% of moms planned to exclusively breastfeed for at least three months. Yet when we look at the reality, the numbers are startling. According to the 2014 Breastfeeding Report Card from the CDC, while 79% of moms breastfeed for some time, only 40% are exclusively breastfeeding by three months, and that drops to a mere 18% by six months. (For reference, the Academy of American Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months.) So, what gives? Are these mothers’ bodies letting them down? Are their babies just not good at nursing? Is breastfeeding some sort of cruel joke biology plays on us?
As a mother who has breastfed two kids (and faced my own struggles along the way) and as a lactation consultant who has worked with countless moms, I firmly believe that in most cases, it’s not the mother or the baby who fails; it’s the system that fails them.
Now, don’t get me wrong—there are instances where biological issues come into play. Not everything works perfectly, and while breastfeeding is a natural process, it can be challenging. But even when biology throws a curveball, there are often ways to make it work. For those few women who struggle to produce enough milk, combining breastfeeding with supplementation can ensure their baby gets the nourishment they need. I’ve assisted mothers who only had one functional breast or who could only produce a fraction of what their baby requires. Success looks different in these situations, and there are creative solutions to maintain breastfeeding relationships.
Even babies with anatomical challenges, like tongue-ties or cleft palates, can breastfeed with the right medical help and guidance.
So what’s the hitch? Most mothers simply don’t know about the resources available to assist them. Many can’t afford quality care, or their insurance doesn’t cover it. Plus, let’s be real—new moms are often swamped with household responsibilities, care for other children, and the looming pressure of returning to work. How can they focus on making breastfeeding work when they’re juggling a million other things?
In many other countries, mothers are given the time to heal and learn to breastfeed. Their communities or government programs step in to help with household chores and provide breastfeeding support. With guaranteed maternity leave, moms aren’t stressed about going back to work just days after giving birth.
Our system is broken. It’s incredibly unsupportive of breastfeeding mothers. It’s way easier to grab a bottle of formula than to find an affordable, compassionate breastfeeding consultant.
So, if you’re someone who feels like you “failed” at breastfeeding, let me set the record straight: you didn’t fail. You gave it your all, and it’s clear you wanted it to work. You sought ways to nourish your baby, and you bonded with them just as deeply as any breastfeeding mom. I’m truly sorry that you didn’t receive the help, time, and support you deserved.
You didn’t fail at breastfeeding; the system let you down, and that’s truly unfortunate.
For more insights on this topic, check out this article on home insemination. Also, if you’re interested in resources about artificial insemination, visit Make a Mom.
For further reading on pregnancy and related topics, Kindbody offers excellent resources.
Summary
Breastfeeding can be a challenging journey for many new mothers, and often, the challenges stem not from the mothers or their babies, but from a lack of support within the system. Many women intend to breastfeed but face numerous obstacles, leading to early cessation. While biological factors can play a role, there are solutions available that are often unknown or inaccessible. Ultimately, mothers should not feel guilty for their breastfeeding experiences; instead, they should recognize that the support systems in place need significant improvement.