As a parent, I sometimes think my own folks had it easy back in the day. In the ’80s, we’d wake up early to catch our favorite cartoons while Mom and Dad snoozed. By 9 a.m., the cartoons were done, and we were left with the morning news or some infomercial about the latest kitchen gadget. Children’s programming had a clear cutoff time.
Fast forward to today, and kids are bombarded with an endless stream of questionable content online. And when I say “questionable,” I mean stuff that looks like it was whipped up in someone’s basement. YouTube has become the wild west of children’s entertainment, filled with shows that make parents question their life choices. If you’re one of those parents who has mastered the art of limiting screen time, this isn’t for you. This is for those of us who just want a moment of peace, only to find ourselves subjected to bizarre content like a bunch of adults in spandex singing about “Daddy Finger.”
Here are five examples:
- “Finger Family” Song
This catchy tune about fingers being part of a family has countless variations online—from princesses to superheroes to, believe it or not, zombies. If your child has discovered this, you know exactly the kind of torture I’m talking about. The creators of this nonsense deserve a stern talking-to. - “Stampy Long Nose”
In the vast world of Minecraft YouTube stars, Stampy is the one I hear echoing through my home the most. It’s not just him, though—any parent who has tried to pry a tablet away from their child’s white-knuckled grip after hours of listening to a dude narrate his Minecraft adventures knows the pain. Sure, some of these creators rake in cash, but that doesn’t make the insanity any easier to bear. - Surprise Egg Videos
These videos involve someone filling a giant egg with candy and toys while children watch in rapt attention as it’s opened. The appeal is lost on the average adult, yet kids can’t get enough. The sheer absurdity of it all can drive a parent to wish for the days of Caillou, whiny though he may be, simply because at least he has a storyline. - Zool Babies
This poorly animated show plays off the “Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed” song. What irks me most is the old-fashioned notion that Dad must swoop in to solve all of Mom’s problems. Let’s be real—both parents should be tackling issues together. And trust me, no one can scare a kid jumping on a bed like a mom can! - “Johny Johny Yes Papa” Song
This nursery rhyme about a kid sneaking sugar and lying to his dad is a classic in the worst way. With endless versions available, it feels like a punishment to hear one more rendition. If I had only five minutes left, I would rather watch paint dry than endure another round of “Johny Johny.”
You might wonder, why do parents let their kids watch this stuff if it’s so maddening? The truth is, sometimes you just need to hand over the iPad so you can use the bathroom in peace or make a phone call without tiny hands pulling at you. Screen time can be a lifesaver in those moments, even if it means enduring the bizarre world of YouTube.
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Summary:
Parents today face a deluge of questionable children’s programming on platforms like YouTube. From the irritating “Finger Family” song to the baffling surprise egg videos, these shows often leave parents longing for simpler times. The allure of screen time sometimes outweighs the content’s quality, providing a much-needed distraction for busy parents.